the armchair novelist

everybody eventually moves into a new home.

2007-02-15T20:01:00.000-08:00

well, i'm sure that by now, you all are aware of my unannounced hiatus from the blogging world. i had to get the whole fresh cherries from yakima thing in order, and now that it is, i've kinda abandoned the armchair novelist without a proper announcement:

i've moved.

not only can you find demos, a running autobiography, and other various band-like things, but i keep my blog on the main page [where i brought back "list season," dissected the new bloc party album, and wrote the third installment of my "how to run a four-minute mile" series after the whole "blipster" controversy i was involved in]. since most people only know me for blogging anyway, i felt the need to keep my music and writing about music in the same place, so that people knew that i'm really not a "blogger-turned-musician," that was just blogging as something to pass the time between writing and recording.

so, the armchair novelist is dead. long live the armchair novelist.

how to run a four-minute mile, part two. a [better than the first] dissertation on being black and indie.

2006-07-26T00:33:00.000-07:00

i was reading an essay on black modern rockers, and it made me start thinking again. i believe i wrote a dissertation on the subject almost exactly one year ago, but looking back upon it, it wasn't written as well as it should have been. i was just going off on a tangent, spouting off opinions, and not making a real point about anything. after reading this article and writing a late-night e-mail to one of my best friends last week on the subject, i feel as though i'm prepared enough to give a clear take on it.

the biggest point in the e-mail to my friend is that black artists doing guitar-based music are faced with the same circumstances as mixed kids growing up: we live on the outside of two cultures. it got to a point where a subgenre was created for us: afro-punk. it just seems that anyone who thinks a little to the left of society by going out on a limb and actually being unique are met with sneers and questions. it's annoying when someone looks at you up and down and asks, "YOU'RE in a band?" and i'm not talking about one particular instance; it happens all the time. i hate the idea of perpetuating stereotypes and conforming to what society expects you to be. it's booooooooring.

i remember blogging a long time ago about this, and the fact that when i first started playing guitar and dressing differently, i was told by someone that i was "acting white," and "being what white society wants us all to be." i find that to be wholly inaccurate: i think conservative society wants that clear line between black and white to be drawn, so that they can take their kids by the hand and say, "THIS is a black person. they're big and flashy and scary and dangerous." i just have this distinct feeling that they don't want people like me at their shows, starting bands with their sons and dating their daughters. they want tone reckless, with his fake jewelry from the back of the source magazine and his do-rags and baggy jerseys with the hats to match. tone reckless is dead. and douglas martin is making his way into your kids' i-pods.

there's a song called "the only black guy at the indie rock show." by a band called cocker spaniels. it's hillarious, and very true. seek it out.

i've always fantasized about taking the primary black songwriters in modern rock and putting them all on the cover of vibe magazine, to discuss the advantages and downsides to being black and indie as fuck. i'd throw myself in if i ever get to a certain level of popularity, as well as tunde from tv on the radio, kele from bloc party, and murray from the dears. i think it would be a wonderful conversation. we're not only four black men who sing for indie/alternative rock bands, we're four black men who are highly invested in music as an art form. only problem is, i don't think vibe would take the bait. we'd probably have to do it for an alternative music magazine like fader or urb. that's one of my problems with BET. they're not exactly contributing to the abolishment of musical stereotypes, when i see "shoulder lean" and songs exactly like it four times a day, while i'm pretty sure "banquet" hasn't aired once. i feel as though if i walked on the set of 106th and park with my ripped jeans and baseball tees in a youth large, my blackness would be gauged on the spot, which i loathe, because it's wholly unfair to judge a book by its cover, when i'm very well-versed in african-american studies. so what if i prefer a genre of music that is vastly dominated with skinny white boys? it's not like i'm trying to be them. in the words of bernie mac, we're the same, but we're different.

i and most people like me live completely on the outside of two cultures.

on the last dissertation about being black and indie, i discussed being compared to others with my skin tone being in the quotations. now that i've given it more thought, i don't want to be "the black conor oberst," "the black jeff mangum," "the black ben gibbard." before, i welcomed the comparisons, because i thought they were flattering. an artist who i talk to on an infrequent basis had to remind me that such claims are stupid, because, as she put it, "think about how andre 3000 would feel if he were regarded as 'the black thom yorke' or something ridiculous like that." nowadays, i feel as though i have something different to offer listeners, something unique. i aspire to be nothing except "the only douglas martin." i'm very confident that could happen. i'm at a point where i'm ready to show my art to whoever will listen.

on a humorous side note, i was on blocparty.net all day today, reading articles. and in an article where the members of the band answered questions written by fans. one of the questions was, "how does it feel to be the sexiest black indie artist of all-time?" and he answered, "it feels nice.. i don't think about it too much. hopefully, i won't be the only one forever, though." hi, kele. i'm martin. you're not the only one. haha. and although i'm really just taking the piss when i call myself an indie rock heartthrob, being good-looking sure isn't going to hurt my marketability. haha. it's crossed my mind, but really, it's not important at all to me. to be honest, only time i think about it is when i'm being sarcastic. creating a body of work that i can be proud of comes before all else.

i hope the fact that i'm a folk singer that happens to be black is not a novelty to anyone, but if it is, i'm sure they'll get over it. art is my passion.

now, excuse me while i have the best fucking sleep of my life.

with bright lights pointed at me as a metaphor,
martin douglas martin, esquire.

the epic overhaul of the armchair novelist.

2006-07-19T18:05:00.000-07:00

so, i apologize for not posting in almost two months. i've been busy. i have a day job, and i'm currently working on fresh cherries from yakima's debut album. but i have an announcement.

in september, expect a new layout, new themes, and.. gasp, even mp3's! but i'm still not accepting submissions. i listen to enough music to find you on my own if it was meant to happen.

"i'm just being real, baby/i could take a summer off."
- lil wayne

see you all in the autumn.

dear people trying to submit music for this blog,

2006-06-29T17:58:00.000-07:00

Don't email me from this blog and be like "We have music to submit for The Armchair Novelist!" because this blog DOES NOT post MP3s. Please direct all inquiries right here to the right blog!

But the answer will be "NO!" because you guys have your blogs mixed up.

Thanks. And by the way, we know this needs a good update. I just can't be assed (thanks to my regular gig) and Martin would do it but he has a life too. But hopefully soon, things will change.

However, let it be known this is NOT an MP3 blog. Okay? Cool.

Peace and Love,
Bethanne

(This was brought on to people who have been emailing me as of recent asking to submit music for this blog. Last I checked, I didn't start this blog....)

she's a blackbelt in karate.

2006-06-05T17:22:00.000-07:00

i may get in trouble for this, but here is the flaming lips performing "yoshimi battles the pink robots," live from the sasquatch! music festival.

guesting.

2006-06-05T16:38:00.000-07:00

i'm house sitting for bethanne this week. catch me over there.

the importance of being idle.

2006-06-01T16:03:00.000-07:00

once i stop being so lazy, i'll post my review and (far away) pictures of sasquatch. i have videos, too. aren't you proud? and, on an snap-decision, i went to see voxtrot last night. pictures and reviews for both should be up this weekend sometime. i just need a little rest. haha.

sasquatch!

2006-05-24T06:05:00.000-07:00

this weekend is going to be exhausting.
i'm going to the sasquatch music festival.
expect my infrequently-updated blog to be updated next week.
and let's hope i can take some decent pics this time.

live review: tv on the radio [featuring celebration]; the showbox, 5 may 2006.

2006-05-06T17:55:00.000-07:00

i absolutely suck at this whole "taking pictures at shows for the blog" thing. however, i do have an excuse this time: it was cinco de mayo, and my friend and i had a perfect spot at the bar, on his open tab, so we decided not to go down to the floor. the doors opened at eight, and we got there at eight-thirty, only to find out that celebration didn't go on until ten. in turn, we had a few drinks at a nearby pub where they were playing folk music. we went to an irish pub and listened to irish folk music on cinco de mayo. the irony is not lost on anybody.

we got back ten minutes before celebration took the stage. the three musicians (sean antanaitis: guitar/keyboardist. dave bergander: drummer. and lead singer [the lovely katrina ford]) casually strolled onstage, and proceeded to blow us away. my friend was thoroughly impressed by the drumming, and now cites dave as the best drummer in music right now [my vote still goes to matt tong of bloc party]. we were both impressed with katrina's singing/wailing and stage presence, and sean's stunning musicianship. dave sitek, tunde adebimpe, and kyp malone all took turns coming out and helping the band out on some numbers, which is appropriate, considering that they're all guest musicians on the band's latest album. it could have been because we were drunk (although i doubt it), but these numbers were rhythmic, poignant, and very memorable. i hadn't been this impressed by an opening act since buck 65 opened for handsome boy modeling school almost a year ago. i saw tv on the radio open for franz ferdinand, but i knew what to expect from them. celebration exceeded my expectations as an opening act.

tv on the radio took the stage with virtually no passage of time after celebration's set was finished. the five men walked onstage, strapped on their instruments (or in jaleel's case, picked up his drumsticks), bantered a little with the audience about having a "big rock show," and jumped right into a thrilling punk-rock version of "the wrong way." tunde's stage presence was remarkably emphatic, putting his all into every single word he sang during every song. as the band played new numbers like "i was a lover" and "province" (sadly, minus the legendary david bowie), he jumped around the stage and rolled his eyes into the back of his head. katrina and dave from celebration came out and joined the band on a couple of occasions, including during "snakes and martyrs," where dave and dave beat on a drum, katrina contributed guest vocals, and tunde picked up a megaphone to shout his lyrics. all of their new songs were standouts, but the one i enjoyed most was "playhouses," where although it's more stripped bare than it's recorded counterpart (but where are you going to find a oboe player on such short notice? i doubt they know sufjan personally), the fast-slow dynamic was mind-blowing. and after the live-favorite (and one of my all-time favorite songs) "young liars," our heroes left the stage.

after a brief intermission before the encore, the band played an emotionally-charged version of "staring at the sun," with tunde's eyes rolling in the back of his head even more than during any other song. however, the highlight was another live favorite, and seemingly everyone's favorite tv on the radio song, "ambulance." i've heard live performances of this song floating around on the internet, but there's nothing like experiencing this song live. dave gave jaleel a break, and took over percussion duties with his mouth. i'm going to go out on a limb and say that dave sitek is one of the most thrilling beatboxers i've ever heard, and unquestionably the best white beatboxer living. my buddy and i sang our hearts out along with tunde and kyp. at the end, the two of us were harmonizing, and i took out my house keys and shook them along with dave's beatbox for percussion. it was one of the most spellbinding (and not to mention one of the downright best) moments i've ever experienced at a show. then, after dave's beatbox solo, the guys bid us goodnight and walked offstage.

summary: what can i say about tv on the radio that hasn't been said? not very fucking much. all i can say is that they're one of my three all-time favorite bands. and they're actually better live than one of the bands that are on that short list. maybe even both. this show was not only, without question, the best show i've ever been to, it was also, quite possibly, the best night of my adult life. and i know that i'm not stranger to superlatives, but i mean it from the bottom of my heart. whether they become huge alt-rock superstars now that they're signed to interscope remains to be seen, but i do have to say that these guys have the creativity, the musicianship, and the heart to deserve to be biggest band in the world. but because of their undying dedication to their art, they probably won't be. it's okay. they'll have a lifelong fan in me.

live review: yeah yeah yeahs [with blood on the wall], the paramount theatre, 4/25/2006.

2006-04-26T15:17:00.000-07:00

nick zinner is a fucking guitar hero.

this is the only picture i have of anything that has to do with the show, due entirely to the fact that the ticketmaster guy sold me balcony seats, and i didn't know it until i was denied access onto the main floor. i attemped to take pictures, but i was too far away to get a decent shot of anything. i've only ever had to sit down for one other show i've ever been to [a commercial-radio-sponsored christmas concert in 2004], but it wasn't that much of a drag. i had a thoroughly enjoyable time. and if there's one band that can entertain the poor suckers sitting down, it's yeah yeah yeahs.

i went to the show thinking imaad wasif, the touring guitarst, was going to open for the band. much to my chagrin, he didn't, and i was stuck listening to blood on the wall. i don't like slagging off bands on this blog, but i was not entertained. they sounded sort of like surfer rosa-era pixies, minus "where is my mind?" and strong songwriting. it was good for what it was, but noise-rock is not something i'm really into.

briefly after blood on the wall cleared out their gear, yeah yeah yeahs casually walked across a dark stage, with christmas lights wrapped around the drum kit and some of the amps. they jumped straight into "fancy," and proceeded to rock the crowd with the slow-burning, almost grungy, tune. this begun what turned out to be, despite me having a balcony seat and not finding the friend i was supposed to meet there, a wonderful night with handful of great performers.

they got "gold lion" out of the way pretty quickly. i do have to admit that watching the song being performed live kicked me off the fence between liking and disliking the song. karen is a natural-born performer, and although the beer-spitting and reckless behavior was kept to a minimun, i truly believe that karen is the last great female rock star. and although karen is the face of the band, nick is the heart of the band, and brian is the pulse. the fact that this show was entertaining comes from the fact that they were a unit.

as the show went on, the trio [or quartet, if you include imaad] performed numbers old and new, dusting off old favorites from their debut ep, "art star" and "miles away," the former entailed karen jumping around and smiling like a happy four-year-old during her "do do do" parts. during the band's older numbers, such as "pin", imaad just sat down between his keyboards and rocked back and forth, simulating a mental patient. even he did his part to entertain the crowd. new songs that the crowd got a kick out of the most were two of the songs from show your bones that sounded like they could have been on fever to tell, "honeybear" and the rockabilly-ish "mysteries." during the raucous version of "honeybear," nick feverishly pounded at his guitar, and stumbled his waifish body all over the stage, as karen jumped around and brian beat the shit out of his drums. during "mysteries," my favorite song off of the sophmore album, karen screamed "TAKE IT AWAY NICK," just like she did on the song, and mr. zinner unleashed a note-perfect solo that affirmed his status as my favorite guitarist playing music right now. then, during the end, where she screeches out the refrain, "STRESSSSS!", karen proceeded to writhe around on the ground, recalling the karen o of old. after a climactic rendition of "warrior," our heroes left the stage.

after a seemingly endless break before the encore, the three main characters of the night ventured back onto the stage. brian took a break behind the kit as karen dedicated the next song to all of us, and introduced it as a song that they've only played acoustic one time before on tour. as the opening notes of "maps" filled the near-silent theater, everyone cheered at the tops of their lungs and started to sing along. as we all quietly sang the verses, i literally got goosebumps. during the chorus, some overzealous concertgoer screamed along the chorus, thus making karen chuckle. as the rest of us sang the chorus, "wait, they don't love you like i love you," i gave myself one last moment to lament my recent breakup. after karen helped me exorcise the feelings that were making me feel sorry for myself, i'm not allowed to feel bad about it anymore.

after the highlight of the night, imaad took the stage with the band as they performed the anthemic conclusion of show your bones, "turn into." at the end, karen put her arm around imaad as she sung the last bars of the song, and he left the stage. the last song of the night, "black tongue," was the perfect way to end such an emotional rollercoaster: with the words, "boy, you're just a stupid bitch/and girl, you're just a no-good dick."

summary: for those of you thinking that yeah yeah yeahs were going to sacrifice the energy of their earlier work for the near-balladry of their newest effort, you have been proven wrong. the songs on their sophomore album provided a needed balance to their live show. the lulling moments were just as thrilling as the art-punk. yeah yeah yeahs are growing up in front of our very eyes, and it's a wonderful sight.

turn yourself around, you weren't invited.

2006-04-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

i'm going to see yeah yeah yeahs tonight.
and i'm going to take pictures.
and i'm going to write a review.
and i'm going to finally post something on my infrequently-updated blog.

this blog is so rarely updated that it's nearly comical.

belated birthdays are fun

2006-04-22T19:37:00.000-07:00

bethanne: i'm listening to the 'drag
bethanne: i can't believe we missed micah's birthday
martin: awesome!
martin: what?
martin: when was it?
bethanne: april 7th
martin: you should have made a post!
martin: holy SHIT.
bethanne: I KNOW!

So this is that post. Happy (late) birthday Micah.
Because Martin and I both heart Giant Drag a lot and we forgot to make this post sooner. (I've been busy with other things and so has Martin.)

welcome back, chilly.

2006-04-04T15:38:00.000-07:00

so, most of you don't know that i had problems with a wireless router after moving my computer into my bedroom last weekend. that's why i've spent so much time without making a post. to mark my triumphant return to the internets, i've compiled a list of things that i was thinking over the past week and change.

fishscale is the best mainstream hip-hop album of not only this year, but possibly the best one since the blueprint.

my friend from work gave me a tullycraft cd, because his wife used to date the lead singer (who was bitter about her breaking up with him and marrying my friend, for some reason). i listened to it, and now, i'd like to beg him to take it back. i don't understand all the seattle hype for them. they're not THAT good.

i'm going to see tv on the radio, bitches.

yeah yeah yeahs are on the verge of breaking up, but their new album is a frequent listen for me.

lupe fiasco is one of the hottest rappers out right now.

i'm not a big fan of instrumental hip-hop cd's, but donuts is one of the best pieces of music i've heard in years.

first, i break my cellibacy of four years, and now morrissey's getting laid, too?

speaking of moz: ringleader of the tormentors is the best thing he's done since the smiths.

speaking of moz again: coachella offered to pay the smiths $5 million dollars to reunite? although that would be one of the most beloved reunions in history (take THAT, frank black francis), i understand why morrissey would "rather eat [his] own testicles than reform the smiths, and that's saying a lot for a vegetarian."

speaking of someone who was in the smiths other than moz: johnny marr is working with modest mouse? this has GOT to be a figment of issac brock's sense of humor.

interpol should sign with interscope. they have all the tools to become the last real rock band: the pricey suits, the narcissistic aura? they're the perfect group to counter the modesty of 50 cent.

largehearted boy still runs this blog shit.

bethanne's the only person in the world punk rock enough to wear a ladyfinger shirt on mtv. you'll see in a few months.

the rapture working with danger mouse sounds like a unlikely combination, but wait until fresh cherries from yakima has a big enough budget to be produced by madlib, bitches.

band of horses didn't reinvent the wheel: they just made a goodyear tire.

ghostface saved rap, now it's radiohead's turn to save rock and roll.

album review: yeah yeah yeahs- show your bones.

2006-03-15T15:19:00.000-08:00

it goes without saying that yeah yeah yeahs burst onto the scene like a rocket with their eponymous ep. the art punk trio from brooklyn was thrust into the spotlight around the same time that the strokes were crowned the "saviors of rock and roll." their ep was a reflection of what everyone has grown to love about them: karen o's unadulterated spontaniety and superstar charisma; nick zinner's bluesy, punky, and downright awesome guitar riffs; and brian chase's sometimes perfectly-timed, sometimes super-raw drumming. then came the critically-acclaimed fever to tell full-length, which came right after a jump to interscope records. it was released with virtually no fanfare, and with the help of the timeless art-punk mixtape staple "maps," turned them into alternative rock radio's favorite children.

after a rigorous touring schedule, karen moved from brooklyn to la, nick put out a fantastic photography book [and a hipster coffee table staple], and brian played in his side project and taught drum lessons to the kids back in new york, they got together and recorded their second lp in los angeles. when most bands describe their sophomore album as a "drastic change," the average music fan would cough "bullshit" under their breath. this is what early reports of show your bones were describing. however, what happened is something similar to how franz ferdinand handled their criminally-overlooked second album: changed up the formula just enough to show that they were more than a one trick pony. but when your one trick is as awesome as yeah yeah yeah's first album, is that a good thing?

track one. "gold lion":
the first track, and the lead single, starts out with a drumbeat similar to queen's "we will rock you," minus the stadium pomp. then, an instrument that did not show its face on the first album, the acoustic guitar, comes in, along with karen's voice. this song reminded me a lot of tegan and sara, which is by no means a bad thing. there's also a couple of eerie sounds and a nice little synth line that come in later. i could imagine some hipster kids ironically pumping their fists to this song.

track two. "way out":
starting out with either a fuck-up or just nick practicing, this song ends up sounding more like a tegan and sara song than "gold lion." only, it rocks a little harder. by the end of the chorus, nick busts out another guitar-god moment, making me bang my head for the first time since the first time i heard "smells like teen spirit." and that's an incredible feat. something tells me that nick zinner is going to be the hipster's robert plant, if he isn't already. mark my words.

track three. "fancy":
speaking of "smells like teen spirit" this song sounds like it would have made a killing in the grunge era. it's slow, sludgy, with karen's refrain of "we're just another part of you," which in itself may be the new slogan for teen angst. by the bridge of the song, karen quiets down and sounds the guitar pedals must have been set to "eerie" again. at the end of the song, there is a rock out, and a great solo by nick.

track four. "phenomena":
great drumbeat, and a fantastic guitar riff. and karen's chant of "i'm something like a phenomena" reminds me of the really shitty ll cool j song called "phenomenon." that's the spirit of rock and roll: taking something shitty and turning it into something that's awesome. lots of weird effects right after the choruses. that makes for a very artful effect. towards the end are very ethereal, and eerie [that word again!] chants.

track five. "honeybear":
the setup of this song is wonderful: dance-punk, followed by a bouncy chorus with a great riff, followed by slow and bluesy verses. rinse and repeat. i'm really rocking out to this song. i have no time to analzye it.

track six. "cheated hearts":
the media is calling this song "the followup to 'maps' ", but i see it as the direct link between this release and their debut. karen's vocals are softer, and this is arguably the catchiest song on this album thus far, so i can see the comparison. and the chorus is one of the best things i've heard all year. nick zinner is my guitar hero.

track seven. "dudley":
this is the type of atmospheric rock song that u2 has been trying to write for years. it would be an anthem, if it weren't for the direct rip-off of the "mockingbird" [the nursery rhyme, not the carly simon song]. it's a good song, but i can't get past the fact that karen decided to directly rip off that melody. i'm sure if she would have come up with something on her own, or rip off anything else, it would have made this song better.

track eight. "mysteries":
rollicking drums and guitars, and a bright-sounding melody from karen o makes this song sound like the best garage rock anthem that jack white didn't write. expect the stripes to cover this song with meg on vocals. it's that good.

track nine. "the sweets":
a minimalist drum pattern and acoustic guitar line. karen sounding kind of somber. this is my favorite vocal melody on this album. between the first and second verse, there are more eerie guitar effects. i don't want to drive that word into the ground, but there are no better words to describe it. after the second verse, the drums kick in in a big way, and after a building crescendo, the song turns into a sludgy rockout. this is, undoubtedly, the climax of the album.

track ten. "warrior":
it sounds like they recorded this song in a closet, which isn't a bad thing at all. it makes for a great comedown to something as fierce as the ending of "the sweets." this is karen's saddest, quietest vocal performance since "modern romance." then, everything gets louder. to fantastic results.

track eleven. "turn into":
an anthemic, silver-lining ending to the sadness that was "warrior." it's amazing how these guys made the tracklisting so perfect. every song added to the mood of the album. there's a little bit of piano in this song. another song u2 wishes they would have written.

summary:
yeah yeah yeahs knocked another one out of the park. with the exception of "dudley," which was a minor stumble, nick, karen, and brian created a fantastic record. just enough creativity and progression to prove this to be the total opposite of a sophomore slump. in fact, it's like their first step to becoming a huge band.

essential tracks:
"the sweets," "cheated hearts," "mysteries."

notes on two reality television shows.

2006-03-14T15:58:00.000-08:00

flavor of love:

bethanne: so that said, hot question: what'd you think of the spitting incident?
douglas: i would risk having to leave the show and go out there and WHOOP PUMPKIN'S ASS!
douglas: spitting is a BIG no-no.
bethanne: absolutely!
bethanne: i would have kicked her ass too
bethanne: that's called being a sore loser and being rude about it. even though new york has an attitude problem, i wouldn't spit in her face
bethanne: i'd call her a bitch and walk away, but i would never spit
armchair novels: "sorry, flav, but spitting elicits an automatic ass-whoopin."
bethanne: hahahahahahahahaha!
bethanne: it was funny in the clip-filled recap episode when they showed the extra footage
douglas: i wouldn't have said anything. pumpkin had no right to say shit. so what if new york was talking shit? pumpkin is the one that was on like 8 reality shows.
douglas: i've even SEEN her on next and blind date.
bethanne: no shit.
bethanne: OH SHIT! she was on next?
bethanne: i think i might have seen her before on it
douglas: i looked at her, and was like, "that ugly white girl looks really familiar."
bethanne: hahahahaha!
bethanne: new york said it best that she needed a facelift

america's next top model:

douglas: did you watch top model? more importantly, did you see the racist chick?
bethanne: OH MY GOD! I WAS SO GLAD SHE GOT SHITCANNED!
bethanne: i couldn't fucking STAND the bitch
douglas: dude. she was cute though. i wish i could fuck some sense into her.
bethanne: hahahahahahaha!
bethanne: that's amazing
douglas: after one night with me, she'd be like, "i LOVE black guys!"
bethanne: HAHAHA!
bethanne: everyone would love you for doing that! haha
douglas: that's what i should do. make a reality show, where i fuck racist chicks and make them change their minds about other races.
douglas: well, she was more of a bigot, which is actually worse than racism, because she hates everyone.
bethanne: ahahahahahahahaha! genius!
bethanne: yeah, i did not like her attitude against everyone. it's not right
bethanne: that goes to show she's your typical closeted republican stiff
douglas: the armchair novelist: fucking sense into racist girls everywhere.
douglas: yeah. seriously.
bethanne: that's your new tagline! haha
douglas: HAHA.
douglas: i'm totally posting this. and the flavor of love conversation.
bethanne: you should

album review: tv on the radio- return to cookie mountain.

2006-03-14T13:58:00.001-08:00

what happens when my favorite indie band jumps ship to the same record label as dr. dre? they get weirder, that's what. tv on the radio, ever since the release of young liars, has been one of my favorite bands. in fact, they're probably my number three favorite band of all-time, following radiohead and modest mouse. with all due respect to the aforementioned bands, tv on the radio is unlike anything i've ever heard in my life. when people ask what they sound like, that's usually my answer. the closest thing i can compare them to is "kid a-era radiohead, only weirder." needless to say when i read that my third-favorite band of all time was planning to release a new album in 2006, a ridiculous sense of anticipation came over me. when i read they jumped ship to interscope with their bff's yeah yeah yeahs, i became happy that they might actually recieve the widespread acclaim they deserve. when i found their new album online, being the greedy internet pirate that i am, i had to listen to it. plus, i have an obligation as an amateur music journalist to provide an exclusive review of another fantastic masterpiece.

track one. "playhouses":
the song starts out like "new health rock," only faster and more sinister. i could see the scenester kids jumping up and down, banging their heads furiously with the tight rhythm section. a little more than halfway through the song, the band slows down the tempo. and then, kicks back into the beat with the fuzz bass. oh, and the saxaphones are a nice touch. reminiscent of the opener for desperate youth, bloodthirsty babes, "the wrong way."

track two. "i was a lover":
the song starts out with a faux-hip-hop beat, a little bit of guitar, and an orchestral sample. tunde and kyp come in with the falsettos. then, by the "chorus," distorted guitars that sound kind of like the bustle of traffic, take over the song. followed by a fantastic second verse, and a piano bridge, and everything comes to a climactic end.

track three. "province":
a bouncy drumbeat. a two-note guitar line. more falsettos. then, the verse kicks in with a very memorable melody. and by the chorus- DAVID FUCKING BOWIE! not to mention a very atmopheric climax. then, the piano kicks into the second verse. i have to note that the addition of the piano, which reminds me of the piano sound on so many of the walkmen's records, is a spectacular sound to add to these records.

track four. "snakes and martyrs":
on this track, the drums sound less isolated than on desperate youth. however, the melody and the harmonies sound like they would be right at home on their first album. on the second verse, there is a single piano note that adds a little bit of texture to the already atmospheric track.

track five. "wolf like me":
the song starts out with a distorted sound clash that's not too dissonant, with tunde and kyp's trademark harmonies. then, the drums kick in, and it reminds me of something similar to a hip-hop version of matt from bloc party's fantastic drumming. although i haven't talked about the lyrics on any song yet, it seems as though the prinicple lyricists (tunde and kyp) are as strong as anything on their previous releases: "beneath the cigarettes and the sugar, shit and the alcohol breath, i could taste the ocean on your tongue."

track six. "tonight":
the drums sound like something that would go on an animal collective record. yes, like a drum circle. dave's guitar is pushed into the background to make for the vocals (which sound like four or five people singing during the verses, and screaming during the chorus), the drums, and the hummable bassline.

track seven. "dirty whirlwind":
starting out sounding like something you would hear at closing time at the bar (floating bassline, tambourine, and a fantastic keyboard line), and then going into the most singable melody on the album thus far, this song should be the first single.

track eight. "a method":
very minimalist, with just a bassline, tunde's voice, and some chimes in the distance. then, the bassline kicks in, and so does more tambourine. when the "ooh ooh ooh's" kick in, so does the atmospheric guitar sound. then, for the second verse, 808 drums breeze their way into the song. this song reminds me of what it might feel like to be floating in the sky after a long night of drinking. after the second iteration of the chorus, it sounds like there is a clarinet melody. beneath that, you can hear tunde whistling. then, towards the end, you can hear the 808's and a bunch of atmospheric sounds.

track nine. "let the devil in":
claps and whistles are heard as the track fades in. then, tunde starts singing, and a marching band pattern kicks in. then, voices and the fuzz bass sing the same melody. "there is hardly a method you know" is the refrain that you hear before everything fades out, and the drums kick back in. i can hardly write anything, because i'm too busy listening to the song. there is some wonderful harmonizing, and then, the whistles and the claps take the track to its end.

track ten. "blues from down here":
a sinister synth/bass line, and a shuffle-type beat. almost industrial rock. i'm too busy listening again to write anything more about this song. it's amazing, just like all of the rest of them.

track eleven. "wash the day away":
lots of distortion, and a simple drum beat that the pixies could have used on one or more songs. this track has almost an anthemic sound to it. i could almost imagine it being played in a stadium. then, after a VERY anthemic climax, the song burns out, and you're left with the ashes and the simmering. exceptional closing track.

summary:
so, noone's really sure if this is going to be what the album actually sounds like, and the guys in tvortr might change up the tracklisting or add a song or two, just to fuck with us. all i have to say that if THIS is the finished product, it's going to be album of the year on a lot of lists in december. including mine. this is an instant classic. another spellbinding masterpiece from one of america's best bands.

essential tracks: pick any one. seriously.

live review: jenny lewis and the watson twins [featuring willy mason]; neumo's, march 8th, 2006

2006-03-09T15:31:00.000-08:00

i've really kept it no secret that i'm desperately in love with jenny lewis. needless to say, when i read the dates for her solo tour with the watson twins, i asked for the day of and the day after the concert off. i bought two tickets, and made my girlfriend skip her dance class to join me. she happily obliged, but had no clue that she was in for one of the best shows she's ever seen.

standing in line on an uncharacteristically frigid march evening, i overheard [i.e. "was eavesdropping on"] a conversation between the people behind me, saying that whispertown 2000 wasn't playing tonight. that news was met with disappointment by me, being that i was really interested in seeing them, and possibly buying some whispertown merch [i'm a band button collector, holla]. with that said, the doors were opening a half-hour later, much to our freezing dismay.

after about an hour wait inside, willy mason took the stage with his cousin on what looked like an 8-string ukelele, and a friend of his on what looked like a portable lap-steel with a waist strap. willy mason floated through a set of old-time country-sounding songs, which were good, but didn't really stand out. he sang a song written by his mother, which was pretty cute, as he explained that she just quit her day job to persue a career in music. the highlight of his 45-minute set was his cover of hank williams' "lovesick blues," especially when he hit hank's country yodel spot on. it makes me wish that willy would do the country yodel on his own songs.

after withstanding some annoying complaints from the scenester girls behind me for being too tall, the lights dimmed very low, and four male musicians took the stage. being that i know that johnathan rice, jenny's boyfriend [booooo!], is in her touring band, i knew the main event was about to start. noone else seemed to know, and started groaning at the thought of another opening act. however, in the distance, coming from backstage, you could hear a familiar, beautiful harmony. "run devil run" was being sung as jenny lewis and the beautiful watson twins walked in sync onto the stage, wearing gorgeous black dresses [jenny had one with a neckline draped in sequins]. i had no clue how amazing their voices would sound in person. after the acapella, they went right into "the big guns." jenny's guitar wasn't working at all, but she didn't let that stop her. the performance of one of my favorite songs on rabbit fur coat, despite the minor setback, was spot-on.

the band played all the hits, including "the charging sky" and "rise up with fists!" the real treats, however, were the new songs and the song from jenny's split single with whispertown, "paradise." on the latter song, the watsons clicked little rocks together. it could have sounded shitty, but it sounded wonderful.

i'm not sure how many of my readers are chuch-going folks, but when i was a kid, i grew up in the church. jenny's second new song had the feel of a gospel song, complete with a breakdown at the end that sounded like the music the guys in my church band played when people were catching the holy ghost. it was a wonderful song. it even featured a spoken-word verse from johnathan rice.

after the rousing climax of the new song, all of the band members, with the exception of the lead singer, left the stage. that was the point where jenny proceeded to play a heartbreaking rendition of "rabbit fur coat." i've never been to a show where someone played a song to complete silence. while jenny sang the title track to my favorite album of 2006 so far, i heard someone drop a quarter. that moment gave me goosebumps. after jenny finished "rabbit fur coat," the band members joined her onstage, as they played a very climactic version of "born secular," complete with the band members leaving one by one in this order: jenny, the twins, johnathan, the keyboard player, the bassist, and after a fucking awesome drum solo, the drummer left.

after the prerequisite break, jenny came back onstage alone for the first song of the encore, a sped-up version of "it wasn't me." then, the watson twins came out, and they sang a beautiful acapella cover of "i met him on a sunday." then, the rest of the band came out and played their live staple, their cover of "cold jordan" [correct me if i got that song title wrong]. i must state that when jenny and johnathan shared the mic, resting their heads on each other, it made me slightly jealous. it was a great song, and a very energetic way to end the show, nonetheless. they took a bow, and our heroine left with the seattle crowd in the palm of her hand.

it's safe to say that jenny lewis is my favorite female singer/songwriter, but i had no clue that she was going to be as good as she was [or sound as beautiful] live. the watson twins were spectacular accompaniment, and everyone in the backing band did their job to wonderful results. if you were ever wondering why jenny lewis is as acclaimed as she is, see her live. you won't be disappointed.

quick, enthusiastic update.

2006-02-28T16:59:00.000-08:00

dodgehas new ghostface AND a ghostface and mf doom collaboration! i'm going to go out on a limb and say the following about the ghostface/doom collabo:

BEST HIP HOP ALBUM OF ALL TIME! (even better than madvillainy!)

where the hell am i going to find curry at this time of night?

2006-02-21T23:24:00.000-08:00

pay-day came two days late because of the "holiday". in risk of sounding cynical, who the fuck actually celebrates president's day, anyway?

anyhow, i finally have money. i'm going to buy jenny lewis tickets before the weekend.

my niece's birthday was fun. it made me think about post-adolescence a great deal, though. it's funny how i've gotten to the age where nobody gives a damn about my birthday except me. it's a rite of passage of 20-somethings.

i'm really going to make a couple of real posts soon. bear with your boy. i'm busy.

the gorilla vs. bear controversy.

2006-02-14T23:01:00.000-08:00

chris is one of my favorite bloggers. i heard about the controversy surrounding him today. i read something about him taking a post down over the weekend, but had no clue what he was talking about. i discussed the thing with bethanne about it, and i just want to put in my two cents about this:

in the post in question, chris' points are extremely valid. although he could have been wrong about the kid actually being a label trying to pose as a kid who genuinely likes whatever bands the blog posted, the final point does strike me as a perfectly fine reason to not like a blog. music blogs are basically based around music journalism. i understand that a lot of bloggers aren't particularly the best writers [i'm not going to throw myself into the fire; i think i have great writing skills. haha.], but if your blog has absoultely cringe-worthy quotes like the ones chris used as examples, you deserve to get called out for it. i'm sorry if this offends people.

secondly, i think if you stand strongly against something, you should be able to push political-correctness to the side and speak your mind on it. chris said it himself, he wouldn't have done it if he knew this was some kid [with bad writing skills-- my words, not his-- haha.] posting about bands that he genuinely liked. i think chris made a knee-jerk reaction, and right or wrong, he's entitled to it.

it's EXACTLY when i made my infamous "are cocorosie racists" post. i heard a white girl with a pretty voice use the n-word, and went overboard. i now recognize the conceptual merit of the piece, but i was raised in a family where you did NOT say that word, and you were NOT allowed to associate yourself with anyone who said that word. and you would have gotten your ass beat if you were hanging out with someone who uses that word. i still think it's wrong for that word to even be used [and i even cringe when black people say it sometimes], but i realize that the young ladies in cocorosie weren't intentionally spreading hate in their song "jesus loves me," they made a moderately-creative song using the "jesus is a pretty nice white guy [i.e. jesus loves republicans]" mentality [the quote is courtesy of john darnielle, i had an e-mail conversation with him about it]. i used my knee-jerk reaction, and was wrong. the same thing happened with chris. somehow, this unnamed blog pushed a red button, and chris reacted. there is nothing wrong with that.

the fact that people were outraged that chris called out another blogger is absolutely comical in my opinion. i don't care how successful you are: EVERYONE is allowed to have an opinion.

and i wish i would have found this blog first. not because i could call him out for possibly being a record label posing as a kid who likes bands, but because the writer in question can't write his way out of a paper bag. writers who can't write are not tolerated in my household.

let the games begin. where's the backlash?

j. dilla.

2006-02-14T22:50:00.000-08:00

i'm sure you all are wondering what took me so long to post about arguably the most underrated hip-hop producer of all-time. it's because death fucks me up. it's a very sensitive subject with me. jay dee's body of work is so consistantly brilliant [including but not limited to my favorite busta rhymes song, "so hardcore"], that it proves what sad shape the music industry is in. almost every acclaimed producer in hip-hop today owes him a large debt, especially america's favorite rapper, kanye west. fuck, overrated hip-hop producers like scott storch should be doing j. dilla's laundry! hip-hop, and the whole of music for that matter, lost an extremely talented soul. jay dee, you will be SORELY missed.

the truth about artist-run blogs.

2006-02-12T22:54:00.000-08:00

i get e-mails all of the time saying, "why don't you update your blog more often? why do you only seldom do things for your blog? you could be one of the top bloggers out there if you actually did something!" well, the truth is, i'm an artist first. if i spend all of my time blogging, i wouldn't be able to work on music. that's what's with the lack of posts since the new year started. i'm focused on making fresh cherries from yakima a big name this year. not exactly "big name" as in coldplay, but possibly "big name" as in 0kkervil river. or something. who knows? i'm just recording right now, trying to get the official fresh cherries from yakima website up, and of course, the pressures of having a day job, and your older sister/best friend as your roommate. posts will be infrequent, but classic, as they always are. expect an editorial on kanye west on tuesday. maybe.

my niece's 2nd birthday is on friday. show a proud uncle some love.

calling in a favor.

2006-02-09T00:44:00.000-08:00

i missed the grammies. boo hoo. but if anyone has an mp3 of hov and linkin park singing "yesterday" with mccartney, holla at your boy.

update: i saw it on you tube, and hov just AD-LIBS! at least chester added some harmonies or something. hov just stood up there and ad-libbed to "yesterday." i love jay-z, but that was the corniest thing.

too important for a picture: just read the damn news.

2006-02-05T00:21:00.000-08:00

if you haven't picked up the new urb magazine with lady soviergn on the cover, let me save you six bucks: david bowie lends guest vocals to a song on tv on the radio's forthcoming sophomore album! david goddamn bowie. how's THAT for indie cred, bitches?

album review: pretty girls make graves- elan vital.

2006-01-24T13:48:00.000-08:00

a lot of us know about pretty girls make graves very well. although they're a hometown band [seahawks are going to the super bowl, bitches], i hadn't heard of them before the new romance, their 2003 release. the album was really good, with the exception of me thinking that lead singer andrea zollo's voice was a little too weak for all the thrashing they did. the few songs i've heard from the new release suit andrea's delivery very well. little did i know what i was getting into when i listened to the album in full.

track one. "the nocturnal house"-

the album starts out with a blast of guitar, a irregular time signature, and whistles. not whistles as in "while you work," whistles as in "technical foul on ron artest." this song is in the same vein as pretty girls make graves' previous work, with the only difference being it's a little more suited to andrea's delivery. towards the end, they play with the time signature, going from 6/8 time to 4/4 every two bars. it works.

track two. "pyrite pedestal"-
the bass riff is killer, and the keyboards make a very nice accompaniment. and when the drums come in? KILLER. the harmonies in the chorus are something i'm not used to from this band, but it's a very welcome change. it's a pop song. and i love it.

track three. "the number"-
starting off with a casio keyboard riff, and then going into a classic rock-esque drum beat. a very singable chorus. i can imagine that getting stuck in my head.

track four. "parade"-
man. another catchy melody. seriously, singing along to pretty girls make graves is the last thing i would expect to do. it's a very welcome change.

track five. "domino"-
this song starts out with a piano riff, and a really sweet-sounding guitar in the background. what i've noticed about this album is that it actually has choruses. not like, "singing the same part over" choruses, but "has a decent shot to get played on alternative radio" choruses. and a nice guitar solo.

track six. "interlude"-
acoustic guitars, percussion and trumpets. i like.

track seven. "the magic hour"-
the song starts out with a classic pgmg riff, and then goes all dance-punk on us. for a second, it goes back to classic pgmg, and then, back to the dance-punk. i could imagine the rapture or someone writing a song that sounds like this.

track eight. "selling the wind"-
mvp of this song, the accordion.

track nine. "pearls on a plate"-
i believe this is the very first downtempo pgmg song i've ever heard. very atmospheric.

track ten. "pictures of a night scene"-
the piano is the key instrument on this track. and andrea only provides harmonies on this song.

track eleven. "wildcat"-
another foray into the dance-punk world. i'm tapping my toes right now. contains one of my favorite things about pretty girls make graves, the nimble guitar work.

track twelve. "bullet charm"-
a dark, beautiful, classic pgmg track. lots and lots of atmosphere towards the end. a top-tier closing track.

summary: i'm going to keep this short and sweet. pretty girls make graves have made the best album of their career. they take the style they're known for, and they expand it and experiment with it to create something classic and timeless. let me repeat: pretty girls make graves have made the best album of their career. this is a must-have.

how's the king of new york rockin' sandals with jeans?

2006-01-21T12:12:00.000-08:00

i know a lot of my readers don't listen to hip-hop, but it's my party. i can cry if i want to. cam FINALLY got at hov. this has been brewing since like 2003. it's definitely no "ether," but cam sure does have a lot to say.

joe camel is not pleased.

live review: colin meloy [featuring laura veirs]; the showbox, 01/18/06

2006-01-19T13:13:00.000-08:00

it's really no secret that colin meloy is my favorite songwriter. missing his solo performance at the triple door last year was possibly my only regret of 2005. however, i totally redeemed myself when i bought tickets to last night's show. although i've seen the decemberists live and have known what to expect, seeing colin meloy onstage all by himself was a slightly different experience.

laura veirs took the stage first. for her first song, "galaxies," she had an effect on her amplified acoustic guitar that made it sound like an electric. then, she played "spelunking," which is one of my favorite songs off of her year of meteors full-length. it sounded just as beautiful as it did on record, by the way. between songs, she was quiet and thankful for the audience's attention. while she played, she kinda swayed from side to side, which i kinda think is a nervous tic, but i could be wrong. there were some songs like "parisian dream" in which she used a looping pedal, layering vocals and guitar parts, making them sound wonderful live. using a drum machine for "lake swimming," at the end of the song, she used the looping pedal again, carrying the song well past six minutes. she ended with "fire snakes," and had the drum machine, looping pedals, and her wonderful voice to create a climactic ending to a wonderful set.

after a not-too-long setup time [this is a solo tour, the epitome of low-maintenace], colin took the stage to near-thunderous applause. colin started off by playing "devil's elbow" [which i later found out is a tariko song]. after a comically awkward banter break to talk about writing a song on the coast of oregon, he says, "this is why i couldn't go on vh1 storytellers." then, he sings a song about "another cliff; far, far away from that.. oregon.. um.. cliff," and plays "we both go down together." someone in the crowd was celebrating a birthday, and gave colin a piece of cake [yes. a piece of cake]. he was tempted to eat it, but stressed that it "gums up the [vocal] chords," so he would save it for after the show. colin's awkward, yet hillarious onstage banter is what sets him apart from any other singer/songwriter performing a solo show. colin was wearing a green shirt with some sort of design on the left breast, and was asked if it was a mistle thrush. "mistle thrushes are so 2005," he replied.

colin on solo tours: "everyone asks me why i like to go on solo tours." [heckler: "so, why do you go on solo tours?"] "see? i told you. i get that question all the time. well, not really. noone ever asks me why i go on solo tours, but i thought i would be a nice segue to the next song. i go on solo tours because i can sit in the dressing room in peace and quiet, without any of the bandmates, and their alcohol and cigarettes.. well, not really; it's because i can get all the hummus and chips and salsa i can eat. the truth is, i miss them. kinda."

colin on his series of cover ep's: "i'm sure a few of you came to last year's show, where i was selling morrissey cover ep's. well, this time around, i decided to go with a far more popular artist, shirley collins. shirley collins is a household name."

colin on solo tours [again]: "i like these things because they're really self-indulgent. i don't have to worry about playing 'your favorite album cuts,' like at decemberists shows. but i definitely want to play some of your favorites, because i want us all to be happy."

our hero played a very wide array of songs from his catalog: all three decemberists full-lengths were covered. he played "shiny," he played two tariko songs, and he also played "barbara allen" from the shirley collins ep. he also played a couple of new songs that he debuted at the woodland park zoo last summer, "valencia" and "shankhill butchers." he even broke his cardinal rule of songwriting: since he and carson's baby is due in march [don't do it, bethanne], he played us a brand new song about how cool it is to be expecting. if it ever gets released [i'm guessing b-side], it's probably going to be called "weird and wonderful." but i could be proven wrong.

colin on tour props: "i brought a skull on this tour, to set down on this table right here. i thought it was a really good idea at the time, but then, i set the skull on the table, and it was the only thing there. so i decided not to bring it out. plus, everyone thinks that i'm going to do a skit or a play or something because i have a skull onstage."

colin politely rejected a request for "the tain" [LOL], and "freebird."

colin on "freebird": "all over the country, all over the WORLD, the universal language is 'freebird.' no matter where you go in the world, there will always be people screaming for 'freebird.' no matter where you are."

colin teased us by playing a teeny bit of rick springfield's "jesse's girl."

about 3/4 of the way through the set, colin had the crowd literally doing stretches. "okay. bend down a little bit.. and up." fans new to the decemberists aren't used to this level of crowd participation, but longtime fans know what the fuck is up. "now, take the person directly to your left," and everyone looked to their left. "now, that doesn't work, does it? that's really interesting." the crowd roars with laughter. "okay, okay. take the person standing next to you, and introduce yourself to them." i shook hands with a nice, tall gentleman with a white-boy afro. then, he played "california one/youth and beauty brigade," and a hush fell over the crowd. colin had us in the palm of our hands.

our hero went backstage and was probably standing awkwardly as the crowd was stomping and clapping for him to play an encore.

he walked out with the skull. "you all thought i was joking. i was dead serious. DEAD.. serious." the audience playfully booed the corny joke. and for his encore, he played live favorite "red right ankle." then, he had us close our eyes as we imagined we were sitting in front of a campfire. "oh, you can open your eyes now. but to get the full effect, you can keep your eyes closed. but that would be kinda weird." then, he played "bandit queen" under the glow of a red stage light.

summary: i've made it no secret that colin meloy is my favorite songwriter. and due to his awkward [i'd hate to use that word for the hundreth time in this review, but nothing is more accurate] and jovial demeanor, he could also be one of my favorite performers. laura veirs was amazing. colin was amazing. i'd hate to call this the best show i will see in 2006, but anyone else i see this year has their work cut out for them.

weary-eyed. i can't beat cake.

2006-01-19T01:43:00.000-08:00

being that it's almost 2am, i'm not writing the review for the colin show right now. expect it when i wake up. all i can say is, someone gave colin a piece of cake onstage. seriously. a piece of cake. how can a fresh cherries from yakima demo compete with cake?

goodnight folks. see you in the early afternoon.

christian guilt.

2006-01-12T15:25:00.000-08:00

being that i believe in god, i feel slightly guilty for liking this, but it's just too fucking funny.

i am a writer, writer of fictions.

2006-01-10T23:03:00.000-08:00

i bought my tickets to see america's best living songwriter a week from today at the showbox. be jealous.

my pretty little neighbors.

2006-01-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

so, i'm kinda hooked on bethanne's current obsession. and it's all her fault. it's the least she could do for taking my advice about final fantasy.

the first great album of 2006: rabbit fur coat.

2006-01-01T16:57:00.000-08:00

this should be no secret to anyone. i've always had a crush on jenny lewis. not only because of she's beautiful; [that's a little too obvious] the young lady is also extremely smart, a very talented songwriter, and owner of one of the most sultry voices in music today. the watson twins provide a soulful accompaniment to lewis' vocals. but, i am a little biased. oh well.

track one. "run devil run":
it's really just an intro. the lyrics are only three words, but the harmonies are top-notch, and i can't help but sing along with this.

track two. "big guns":
starts out with a bluegrass-ish guitar strum, and thought-provoking lyrics that you should expect from ms. lewis: "and i've won hundreds at the track/but i'm not bettin' on the afterlife". the stomp on the kick drum that come in after the first verse are a nice touch, too.

track three. "rise up with fists!":
this sounds like it could have been on more adventurous, with its laid back alt-country pop sound. it seems like one of the themes on this album is god and struggling with the idea of his existance. the third verse creates the wonderful imagery of the cops coming after a man with a house arrest ankle bracelet.

track four. "happy":
if country music were this good, i probably wouldn't have such a serious problem with it. a wonderful acoustic track.

track five. "the charging sky":
the watson twins get some nice "ooh oohs" in here. and jenny questions the existance of god again, "in the desert underneath the charging sky/it's just you and god/but what if god's not there?/and his name's on your dollar bill/which just became cab fare.."

track six. "melt your heart":
the subdued drums on this song works very well with the melody. heartbreakingly beautiful.

track seven. "you are what you love":
sort of a breakup song. painting on a bullshit canvas kinda sucks.

track eight. "rabbit fur coat":
the best narrative of the album. it's also just jenny and a guitar. a heartbreaking tale of sin, hundred-thousand dollar kids and mansion houses.

track nine. "handle with care (featuring conor oberst, ben gibbard, and m. ward)":
the traveling wilburys cover that everyone talks about. it fits the theme of the album, but that doesn't mean i have to like it. it doesn't do anything for me.

track ten. "born secular":
of course, staying on the theme of god and his existance, here is the most flagrant example of the theme. the backing vocals by the watson twins are supreme. "god works (god works, god works)/in mysterious ways/ and god gives (god gives, god gives)/and he takes/from meeeeeeeee.." when the drums kick in towards the end, it's makes for the climax of the entire album.

track eleven. "it wasn't me":
this track drags on just a little, and it makes you wish "born secular" would have been the last song on the album.

track twelve. "happy (reprise)":
just jenny singing the chorus of "happy". it works great as an outro.

summary: i know i make it seem like jenny lewis can do no wrong, but this is really a stellar album. this rivals anything she's ever done with rilo kiley, and as a whole, it's considerably better than more adventurous. the running theme about the existance of god makes this a very cohesive piece of work. the watson twins do their job as backup singers really well, and the instrumentation and production on this record are both top notch.

essential tracks: "born secular", "big guns", "melt your heart", "rabbit fur coat"

list season is over!

2006-01-01T14:20:00.000-08:00

it's been a long, hard month. the deadlines weren't made for the most part, and i took it down to the wire. but, i, with a little help from bethanne, made a list for every day of december. that was more work than i had imagined, so i hope the few people that read this blog enjoyed it.

now, for the start of the new year, i'm going to write a full-album review for "the first great album of 2006." what album is it? if you read this blog from the beginning, you should be able to figure it out. see you all in a couple hours.

list season: the top ten albums of 2005.

2005-12-31T18:06:00.000-08:00

2005 was a really good year for albums, and being an album guy, there were some i enjoyed wholeheartedly. without any overblowing things, here are my top ten albums of 2005:

1. okkervil river- black sheep boy:
"a cinematic masterpiece about love, loss, and climbing into will sheriff's arms with blood on your clothes. the songs are good on their own, but as a whole, this is, hands down, the best-made album of 2005."

2. bloc party- silent alarm:
"i downloaded a copy in january, bought it in march when i saw them live, and until about september, this was my album of the year without question. silent alarm is paranoid, frantic, gorgeous, atmospheric, rhythmic, and genius. sometimes, all in the same song. out of all the neo-post-punk bands flooding the market, bloc party is most likely the one band we'll still be talking about in thirty years."

3. akron/family- akron/family:
"possibly, one of the most creatively arranged folk albums of the year. listen for: the squeaking chair in 'italy'. still, the creatively arranged songs wouldn't mean shit if the songs weren't great. like black sheep boy and silent alarm, this is an album you have to sit down with and listen from start to finish."

4. final fantasy- has a good home:
"heartbreaking. expansive. viciously witty. i've said too many times this year that owen pallett is the most underrated singer/songwriter in music today. some people call him a 'poor man's andrew bird', but the songs on has a good home are better than nearly every other singer/songwriter combined. guitar, violin, oboe. every last one of them."

5. wolf parade- apologies to the queen mary:
"the first time i heard this album, i did what everyone else did: write them off as a hybrid of modest mouse and the arcade fire. however, taking a little more time with the album, i realized that although issac brock's fingerprints are all over the record, wolf parade created a debut album that will undoubtedly stand the test of time. the thing about apologies is that everyone has a different favorite song from the album."

6. the decemberists- picaresque:
"i covered two songs from this album and threw them on my demo. how could i NOT put this album on my favorites list? from start to finish, this is the most lyrically creative album made in 2005, but you really can't expect less from someone who is arguably america's greatest songwriter. just like the other albums, there is a wide array of musical styles on picaresque: folk, polka, a 'lust for life' rip-off, and one of the best pure pop songs of the year with '16 military wives'. picking a favorite decemberists album is like picking a favorite child, but in few years, picaresque could get an extra scoop of mashed potatoes."

7. clap your hands say yeah- clap your hands say yeah:
"listening to 'clap your hands', the circus-like intro with alec ounsworth sounding like harry carrey, i don't think people realized how weird this band could actually get. from beginning to end, this album was a bizzare, yet extremely enjoyable ride with some really strong songs. the hype was deserved."

8. bright eyes- i'm wide awake, it's morning:
"as much as i pretend i don't like conor oberst and the manufactured emotion in his song, dude is a truly gifted songwriter. witty, poignant, and at times, downright profound, i tried my hardest not to like conor oberst this year. this album, however, stopped me dead in my tracks. he's not our generation's bob dylan by a long shot, but being our generation's conor oberst is good enough for me."

9. art brut- bang bang rock & roll:
"this is what punk is supposed to be. who cares if you only use three chords when you have arguably the greatest lead-singer-that-doesn't-really-sing in indie rock music today? eddie agros shouts, stammers, and struts his way through a variety of every day tales, making even a trip to the laundromat song of the year. when he comes back to america, he's going to ask if you started a band. if you do, and you can't really play your instrument, this is your reference point."

10. kanye west- late registration:
"as much as i've tried to slam kanye for being such an egomaniac, he's committed to making the best songs that he possibly can. he's not the best rapper out, and in many ways, he's not the best producer, but he does both good enough, and has enough foresight to bring on jon brion for co-production, to make the best rap album of the year. late registration is smart, musically expansive, cocky, heartbreaking, and triumphant. in many ways, just like kanye himself. they say the best classes go to the fastest. america's favorite rapper may have been tardy, but he's definitely got the best seat in the classroom."

and here are the honorable mentions (in no particular order):

the white stripes- get behind me satan
franz ferdinand- you could have it so much better.. (this album is my #11)
devendra banhart- cripple crow
fiona apple- extraordinary machine
re-up gang- we got it for cheap, volumes one and two
john vanderslice- pixel revolt
dangerdoom- the mouse and the mask
sufjan stevens- illinois
ryan adams- 29
laura veirs- year of meteors
chad vangaalen- infiniheart

list season: the top 100 songs of 2005.

2005-12-30T02:14:00.000-08:00

we're in the i-pod generation. where we can find a song, upload it to i-tunes, and it can join the 1500 more that we already have. music snobs like us listen to so many songs in the span of one year, that only picking 100 is excruciating. but, here goes nothing:

100. fall out boy: "sugar, we're going down"-
don't be surprised that this made the list. even my sister, who listens almost exclusively to r&b, sings it in the car with me. if i could flood the entire world, and could only pick one emo band to bring on the ark with me, fall out boy is totally it.

99. arctic monkeys: "sun goes down (scummy)"-
the intro/outro are the real treats here. "and what a scummy man.." i love singing along and pantomiming the guitar parts.

98. sufjan stevens: "the lord god bird"-
a heartbreaking song written exclusively for npr about [i forget which state's] state bird. the harmonies give me goosebumps.

97. rhymefest: "dynomite"-
already my favorite breakout rapper of 2006, rhymefest drops so much wit over a top-notch just blaze track that it's really unfunny. oh, and whoever has the foresight to rhyme over a beat that samples j.j. from good times in the intro/outro is a good-ass man in my book.

96. giant drag: "this isn't it"-
it wouldn't sound out of place on 90's alternative radio. the simple chorus is ultimately catchy enough to have you accidentally singing it to your girlfriend as you're getting ready for work.

95. jaymay: "color confused"-
a shorter-than-two-minute song, it's a beautiful sentiment: "what if i stayed here/and played every song i know/would you stay/would you go.. away?" i'm not a sucker for love songs, but this is going on a mixtape for my next girlfriend.

94. phil: "hey ya (outkast cover)"-
this is a slower, more heartbreaking version of the original. it conveys an entirely different feeling from the original. i heard this song the day after i had the idea to slow down the original for a "hey ya" cover. oh well. fresh cherries from yakima will have to do something different.

93. iron & wine: "the trapeze swinger"-
it's a nine minute song. it's perfect to put on repeat while cuddling on the couch under a blanket. you'll be asleep in each other's arms before the song ends, and that's not a bad thing at all.

92. kanye west (starring common): "my way home"-
a common solo track on kanye's album gives that only built 4 cuban linx feel, when ghostface got at least one track to himself on another man's solo album. rhyming over just the sample was an ingenious idea, and common paints yet another vivid picture of inner-city life.

91. ryan adams: "elizabeth, you were born to play that part"-
the piano and vocal melodies rival ryan's best work.

90. m.o.p.: "punks jump up"-
a lil' fame solo track, fizzy womack spits some of the wittiest gangsta rap lyrics i've heard all year: "you couldn't bust a motherfuckin' grape in welch's backyard". indeed.

89. the white stripes: "i'm lonely (but i ain't that lonely yet)"-
just jack white's voice and a piano, this song has more soul than joss stone will ever have in her entire career.

88. idiot pilot: "open register"-
the verses are beautiful, but the real meat of this song is right before the chorus..
"WE'RE TRYING TO HELP YOUUUUUUU!"

87. jose gonzales: "save your day"-
beautiful song. if i say anything more, it will ruin its gorgeousness.

86. the walkmen: "there goes my baby (drifters cover)"-
that old-ass piano is my favorite sound in the world. i love the walkmen for that reason.

85. youth group: "piece of wood"-
the fingerpicking, the melody, the added layers, shows the promise of a band still trying to fight their footing.

84. broken social scene: "major label debut"-
one of the quieter moments on their self-titled lp, it works for them. and i love singing the chorus.. "i'm all, fucked up..."

83. luke temple: "to all of my good friends, goodbye"-
this is the musical equivalent of drowning. and i don't mean that in a bad way at all. tell my old lady, i'll be seeing her soon.

84. laura veirs: "untitled"-
lo-fi to the highest degree. i can't even understand what she's saying, but i bet it's profound.

83. little brother: "beautiful morning"-
i'm not a fan of big pooh, but 9th wonder finds a nice little boom-bap beat and a sample, and phonte carries the track. when's the phonte solo album coming?

82. wolf parade: "modern world"-
modern world, i'm not pleased to meet you. modest mouse meets the arcade fire? at first i thought so, but after obessive listening to this song, if there's any likenesses at all, wolf parade takes the best from both bands.

81. voxtrot: "long haul"-
twee as fuck. and you love it.

80. dangerdoom: "sofa king"-
you say funny things. so does doom. all the time. that's why he's my favorite rapper.

79. death cab for cutie: "crooked teeth"-
kids strung out on homemade speed. the "iron lung"-esque guitar solo. the chorus is cliche, but the rest of the song makes up for it.

78. john vanderslice: "farewell transmission"-
everyone knows that i'm a sucker for melancholy piano tracks. hold on. hold on.

77. chad vangaalen: "after the afterlife"-
this is what jack johnson would sound like if he wasn't boring. so tell me 'bout your mom.

76. bloc party: "so here we are"-
it's all about the atmosphere. this song is so beautiful. if i weren't so macho [joke], i probably would cry every time i heard it.

75. clap your hands say yeah: "is this love?"-
great instrumentation, and the freakout totally fucking rules.

74. re-up gang: "stay from around me"-
coke rap was at an all-time high this year. and like i've said more than once, the clipse were at the forefront. over the right beat, they create classics. see: lord willin'.

73. the decemberists: "the mariner's revenge"-
a nine-minute epic [with an accordion] about being trapped the belly of a whale with your asshole stepdad. this is why colin meloy is america's greatest songwriter.

72. franz ferdinand: "evil and a heathen"-
the stooges, guys? it's unexpected, but extremely welcome. this is the best garage rock song by a neo-new-wave band this year.

71. doveman: "fade into you (mazzy star cover)"-
an even drowsier version than the original, the beauty is still there.

70. cat power: "the greatest"-
some people don't like the druggy, memphis alt-country direction that chan marshall is going towards. i, for one, am not one of those people. and in all honesty, this is the very first cat power song i've listened to all the way through.

69. art brut: "modern art"-
secretly, it makes you want to rock out, too.

68. common: "chi city"-
common hasn't spit this hard since.. god knows when. and this is one of the hardest beats that kanye has ever made. and of course, the obligatory chappelle's show reference: "i slap a nigga like you, and tell him, 'rick james, bitch!' "

67. my morning jacket: "off the record"-
the very first time i heard this song, i was like, "who the fuck is this?" it's like a hybrid of ska, southern rock, and damn fine pop music.

66. ghostface and raekwon: "kilos"-
they took a children's song about weight conversion, and totally made a classic coke-rap song.

65. the mars volta: "the widow"-
the closest thing they'll ever come to a real song. and what a classic one it is.

64. bright eyes: "lua"-
a love-letter to new york, kinda, conor observes his hipster companion going to the bathroom to do bad things, and paints a perfect picture of urban life.

63. amerie: "1 thing"-
the very first time this song came on, i LITERALLY got up and started dancing. i totally missed the boat on go-go. good thing rich harrison is bringing it to the masses. it's a lot better than the boring r&b that's out right now.

62. oasis: "love like a bomb"-
sure, it's a rip-off of john lennon, but what oasis song isn't? the melody is tops.

61. the white stripes: "take, take, take"-
a fictional tale about meeting rita hayworth. a chorus in 11/4 time, in which the fact that meg can even keep up says a lot about her improvement on drums. the weirder jack white gets, the more i love him.

60. hot hot heat: "goodnight, goodnight"-
more proof that the best pop songs usually clock in at less than 2 1/2 minutes.

59. sufjan stevens: "john wayne gacy jr."-
sufjan creates a sincere record about a serial killer. the part where he harmonizes "oh my god" gives me goosebumps. he's going to go down as our generation's greatest songwriter. and this is going to be the reference point.

58. kings of leon: "taper jean girl"-
this is where the "southern strokes" comparisons come in. and that's probably why this is my favorite song off of their sophomore album.

57. the game: "no more fun and games"-
dude saves his best rhymes for the hardest beat on this record. is he in a class all by himself like a brown eminem? not quite. but, he says what he feels. LOL @ him calling alicia keys a dyke.

56. final fantasy: "adventure.exe"-
a wonderfully idiosyncratic song title, and two minutes of the most awesome acoustic whimsy you'll hear this year. hey yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.. he needs an empire to overthrow. give him yours. i'm serious, bloggers: make him king of the world next year.

55. fiona apple: "o sailor"-
noone does heartbreak like fiona. and "sailor" is the most awesome pet name for a guy ever.

54. jay-z: "dear summer"-
the only reason anyone would willfully buy memphis bleek's abysmal third solo album. i'm a fan of extended metaphor. just as good: when he spit this song on new york's hot 97 fm over the classic beat to black rob's "can i live".

53. the bravery: "an honest mistake"-
love them or leave them, the bravery scored a well-deserved hit with this song. the falsettos towards the end of each chorus may cause people singing it to grab some tea afterwards.

52. re-up gang featuring skateboard p: "play your part"-
jacking the beat from 50 cent and tony yayo's "we run new york" was only half the fun. and pharrell attacks neptunes biters with arguably his best verse yet.

51. ying yang twins: "wait (the whisper song)"-
was it the most misogynistic song [of any genre] released this year? sure. was it damn fun to whisper the chorus? i can't lie: absolutely.

50. coldplay: "what if"-
the chorus takes us all the way back to parachutes, where coldplay were the frontrunners for the "next radiohead" crown. anthemic in all the right ways.

49. devendra banhart: "chinese children"-
sing it at work and freak people out. it's really fun.

48. the subways: "i want to hear what you have to say"-
an acoustic intro. followed by the rock. boy and girl singing lead on different verses. simple, yet effective.

47. clap your hands say yeah: "let the cool goddess rust away"-
a near-perfect weirdo-pop song. the voice cracks are endearing.

46. voxtrot: "raised by wolves"-
the breakout band of 2006's best song yet. go ahead and love me. i'm a hungry man.

45. the game: "120 bars"-
supposedly the last in game's series of 50 cent disses. undoubtedly the best.

44. those transatlantics: "boys and children, sing for summer"-
simply put: it's a wonderful song. the tempo change adds a nice little twist, too.

43. kanye west: "gold digger (diplo remix)"-
diplo takes ray charles' "i got a friend", and flips it with an 808 beat. wonderfully danceable.

42. bright eyes: "when the president talks to god"-
subtlety is not quite conor's thing. but it's one of the most poignant diss songs of our generation. as scathing as tupac's "hit 'em up".

41. queens of the stone age: "little sister"-
i've got a fever. and you know what the perscription is. that boy josh homme can write a catchy tune.

40. final fantasy: "the cn tower belongs to the dead"-
had a good run anyway. owen pallett is a genius. i keep on trying to tell you.

39. death cab for cutie: "different names for the same thing"-
as if the piano intro wasn't a good enough song as it was, the boys had to add a postal service-esque jam. one of the best songs on their album, and i don't even like the postal service.

38. arctic monkeys: "riot van"-
so, baby stop calling. over and over, yeah. and give me some funny cigarettes. a nice, laid back track.

37. wolf parade: "you are a runner and i am my father's son"-
you all know how much i like this song. i covered it.

36. franz ferdinand: "eleanor, put your boots back on"-
a piano ballad about alex kapranos' girlfriend. usually, that's a formula for disaster. however, it's the biggest departure from every franz ferdinand song you've ever heard. and it's of high quality. just like all the others.

35. akron/family: "italy"-
a wonderfully-relaxed eight minute song, with a melody that's been stuck in my head for the past three weeks.

34. kanye west (featuring cam'ron and consequence): "gone"-
one of the most minimalist tracks of kanye's career, this song shows these three rappers at their wittiest. damn, 'ye; it'd be stupid to diss you. even your superficial tracks is super-official.

33. the strokes: "ask me anything"-
everyone's favorite new york hipsters go all magnetic fields on us, using just a mellotron and cello for accompaniment to julian's best voice in rock music™. he has nothing to say. which is fine. just hum us a tune.

32. rza and mf doom: "biochemical equation"-
over a soul sample that would make kanye turn in his card, rza gets all philosophical on us, fighting the devil in the first verse, and telling us how his friend used to do cartwheels during his sobriety test on the third. during the second verse, doom delivers yet another high-quality verse.

31. wolf parade: "same ghost every night"-
the closest thing this band will ever have to a ballad, and they had to ruin it by talking about ghosts. that was a joke. i love ghosts, and so do you.

30. laura veirs: "through the glow"-
i imagine driving down the freeway on an excessively lit stretch of city while this song is playing. slightly dark, wholly beautiful.

29. chad vangaalen: "1000 pound eyelids"-
there's no better song concept than falling asleep at the wheel and "fucking the car up real good". but, underneath all the trumpets and bubbling is one of the most endearing love statements of the year: "i'm super sorry, but my eyes got really heavy/and the last thing i remembered is your smile."

28. death cab for cutie: "i will follow you into the dark"-
arguably the best song that ben gibbard has ever written. it's a love song, but still has the underlying hints of indie rock cynicism: "love of mine/someday you will die".

27. del the funkee homosapien: "fragments"-
del sings the kinda-hook, calling out a woman that he's not scared of "beating down to the ground". key lyric: "you don't wanna play no games/it only works when you young and beautiful". another highlight is when he's describing the wicked witch's mirror "shattering and shit".

26. the clipse: "studin y'all"-
a track from the clipse's still-on-the-shelf sophomore album, this proves that even though this song was recorded nearly three years ago, the boys from that 'ol virginny never lost their swagger.

25. final fantasy: "(reverse)"-
the opening lyrics say it all: i love you but sometimes, i need a day off. don't get that facelift.

24. bloc party: "helicopter"-
as if to say. as if to say. as if to say, he doesn't like chocolate. that's british for "george bush doesn't care about black people". a sonic youth-esque guitar riff carries this song as kele asks, "are you hoping for a miracle?" with songs this good, sometimes i forget that a rock band can't bring it to us.

23. maximo park: "grafitti"-
the most overlooked post-punk-pop band's best song thus far. i'll do grafitti if you sing to me in french. i don't know what it means, but i have this feeling if i use it in a bar, i'd be getting some action that night.

22. rhymefest: "these days"-
because, sometimes, your baby mama just don't understand: i ain't rich, bitch; it's just an advance.

21. the white stripes: "white moon"-
she led me and led me. and i ate what was fed me, 'till i purged every word in this song. whoever led jack into writing this needs to give me her address, so i can send her flowers.

20. the decemberists: "eli the barrowboy"-
a ghost who pushes around a wheelbarrow, who is too broke to buy his girl some nice clothes. in many ways, it's different from "gold digger," but in many ways, it's exactly the same.

19. david & the citizens: "now she sleeps in a box..."-
what a narrative. what top-notch instrumentation. music (for robots) greatest contribution to society this year.

18. neutral milk hotel: "circle of friends"-
a couple months ago, an old jeff mangum demo was unearthed. this minor-key ballad, akin to "oh comely", is the best song from it.

17. cold war kids: "heavy boots"-
the best modest mouse song that issac brock didn't write.

16. broken social scene: "shoreline (7/4)"-
a rock song in 7/4 time. i'm sure we should expect that from broken social scene, but if it were any other band, it would be revolutionary.

15. kanye west (featuring nas and really doe): "we major"-
kanye drops jewels, really doe drops the best rap chorus i've heard in a while, and nas goes on auto-pilot over the greatest rap beat of the year.

14. spoon: "i turn my camera on"-
britt daniel never tried to make us dance before. which makes this track even more special.

13. arctic monkeys: "i bet that you look good on the dancefloor"-
this is the song that started all the hype. number one without a record deal. and for a good damn reason. a throwback to when punk actually meant something.

12. fiona apple: "parting gift"-
the best song ever about being bored with your beau. out of all the hype among the two versions of this album, sometimes the best fiona apple records are the ones that aren't produced at all.

11. the comas: "sadness is an imaginary gun"-
an amazingly melancholy guitar line and pistol imagery are used in this wonderful demo taken from the comas' website. no wonder vagrant records signed them.

10. raekwon: "state of grace"-
the best rap song of the year starts out with a sample from every rapper's favorite movie, scarface. i can't say anything i haven't already said about this song, so i digress.

9. arcade fire: "cold wind"-
a dark and haunting acoustic guitar line starts out the song, and you start to envision yourself in a graveyard, watching the people walk by. there's a cold wind blowing, obviously.

8. franz ferdinand: "walk away"-
it's like morrissey singing over a spaghetti western. i love the sound of you walking away. genius.

7. wolf parade: "sons and daughters of hungry ghosts"-
a rollicking drum beat. an uber-catchy chorus. lyric of the year: "god doesn't always have the best goddamn plans". so catchy, i'm sure even sufjan has sung along at least once.

6. art brut: "formed a band"-
this is how punk should sound like. rambunctious. witty. with a singer that doesn't sing.

5. okkervil river: "a glow"-
lots of reverb. climb into my arms. with blood on your clothes. you've got a glow. you've got a glow.

4. kanye west: "gold digger"-
this is why i'm not as hard on kanye as most other bloggers who like their stars humble. kanye is a fucking genius. even hov said it. he took a great sample, jon brion, and a saxaphone, and turned it into not only a great rap song, but a CLASSIC party song. she was supposed to buy your shorty tyco with your money. but she didn't. this song is too catchy and too smart to ever get old.

3. clap your hands say yeah: "in this home on ice"-
atmospheric and danceable. this is the song that got me into them. classic.

2. bloc party: "banquet"-
as a hit single, this song is, allow me to be cliche: so, so, so underrated. from start to finish, i listen all the way through. every time.

1. the long winters: "the commander thinks aloud"-
from start to finish, lyrically and instrumentally, this is a perfect song. john roderick is quickly becoming one of my all-time favorite songwriters. and this is his best song yet.

list season: the top 5 "better them on the radio than clay aiken" bands of 2005.

2005-12-29T20:41:00.000-08:00

radio is a dastardly beast. it swallows bands whole and spits out the trash at the least-common-denominator. for every nirvana, that changed the parameters of radio; or radiohead, who changed the parameters of popular music in general, there are radio-ready bands who the 14-year-olds think it's cool to like. i'm not exempt: i loved smashing pumpkins, bush, and hootie and the blowfish. this post is not about the GREAT bands that happen to make music that is played on the radio. this post is for the not-so-good bands who are heralded by radio programmers as something more than what they really are.

5. "rock and roll queen":
the subways are a really good band. but this is, by far, their worst song. it's what sixth graders write on the outside of their notebooks, saving it for the really cool girl that they don't have the nerve to talk to. this song probably took about six minutes to write. but this song and its o.c. endorsement is what's gaining the band their "next big thing" status. so, more power to them. better them on the radio than clay aiken.

4. the bravery:
whether you think these guys sound exactly like the killers, or if you think sam endicott looks exactly like a mix between morrissey and mark arm, "an honest mistake," arguably the bravery's best song blew up on radio this past year. however, their second single wasn't as good. neither was the rest of the album. but the guys have LOTS of style, and a little potential. better them on the radio than clay aiken.

3. youth group:
when i first heard youth group, i said what everyone else said: "diet death cab for cutie". but going back and listening to "shadowland", their first single, and more songs from their album like "why don't the buildings cry", they actually sound EXACTLY like nada surf. i mean, i know the band is still young and trying to find their sound, but this is just flagrant. oh well. better them on the radio than clay aiken.

2. coldplay:
so, a band with a ton of promise in the beginning got stuck at the bends, and now, they're at their third album, and don't realize that they should be AHEAD of radiohead right now. parachutes was the bends. a rush of blood to the head should have been ok computer. but it was the bends, too. and x&y was actually not as good. they should be at their kid a by now. better them on the radio than clay aiken.

1. the killers:
when the killers first came out, i was all over their shit. i saw them at a tiny venue at the bumbershoot festival, and that was the very first rock show i had ever gone to. i don't know if it's overkill, or the fact that i'm older, but i'm really starting to see how mediocre they really are. "mr. brightside" has always been my least favorite killers song, and of course it's their biggest hit. oh well. better them on the radio than clay aiken.

list season: the top 10 albums that are not going to be on my top albums list... of 2005.

2005-12-28T17:53:00.000-08:00

as long as i've been listening to indie music, i tend to liken my tastes to the critics. in 2005, i've realized that i have somewhat different tastes than a lot of them. but at the same time, critics are just fans who are paid for their opinions. and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the difference between them and us. so, bloggers, please don't jump down my throat if your favorite album is on this list:

10. i am a bird, now:
it's good and everything, but i'm just not into antony's voice.

9. twin cinema:
i don't know. i really never got into the new pornographers. it's not that they're not good, either. just not my thing. i haven't found "that song" to convert me.

8. gimmie fiction:
"i turn my camera on" is one of my favorite songs of the year. however, i didn't spend enough time with this album to include it as one of my favorites.

7. alligator:
i tried really hard to get into this one. i couldn't do it, though. i need whatever album "the thrilling of claire" is on. that is one amazing song.

6. set yourself on fire:
the musicianship is great, but the songs are a little too poppy for me.

5. feels:
i didn't listen to this album enough times to give it a fair shot. i should have reviewed it like i promised.

4. broken social scene:
just like you forgot it in people, the songs are really hit-or-miss. "shoreline" and "major label debut" are two of the best songs made all year. those, along with "lovers spit", are the only bss songs i love.

3. z:
another album i gave a fair chance and just wasn't really into. i really like "off the record", though.

2. the woods:
i was never really into the whole riot grrl thing. and although this is a departure from that, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

1. illinois:
sufjan created a masterpiece with this record: a pop record that will go down in history. sufjan, because of this record, will become the greatest singer/songwriter of the 00's. however, i still prefer seven swans.

list season: the top 5 proper nouns of 2005.

2005-12-27T21:27:00.000-08:00

so, in the legendary season of lists, sometimes there are things that happen in music that aren't really done musically that are still fucking awesome, to say the very least. so, i'm stepping outside of the realm of sitting in front of my computer all day [or in some cases, not particularly] listening to music, and offering up my top five proper nouns of the year. things that i read, saw, or heard about. the important ones are all here:

5. colin meloy-
now, everyone who reads this blog knows that meloy is my favorite songwriter. but let me tell you something: this dude had the best year ever. another critically-heralded neo-classic album; not one, but two very successful american tours [during his stop in seattle, the day after the decemberists got their gear robbed, he played "red right ankle" on 12-string for the very first time. that's gotta count for something]; he and his band got all of their gear stolen, and decemberists fans [who are some of the most loyal fans you'll ever meet] donated to the cause, so they could buy new instruments; he wrote his own book [covering the replacements' let it be in the 33 1/3 book series]; provided one of the most talked-about moments of the year when his band and death cab shared the stage for a rousing cover of fleetwood mac's "go your own way"; signed with a major label; AND his longtime girlfriend is pregnant with his first child. noone could ask for a year better than that.

4. ok computer being number one on spin's "best albums of the past 20 years" list-
it's about time one of the greatest records of all time gets a little recognition. haha! that was a joke.

3. i-pod wars-
the most friendly way to argue the merit of your intense music snobbery. good thing there have been no casualties as of yet. however, my best-of-three series with ryan from muzzle of bees was very intense.

2. the cliff notes for "trapped in the closet, parts 1-5"-
highlight: the glossary.
y'all ass is crazy: your entire ass is crazy.
LOL

1. fat joe at the vma's-
"i just want everyone at home to know i feel real safe right now, thanks to the police protection provided by g-unit." undoubtedly, quote of the fucking year.

list season: the top five record labels of 2005.

2005-12-26T13:17:00.000-08:00

due to the intense rise of mp3 blogs, mixtapes, limewire, etc., record labels are becoming less and less important as we go further into the 21st century. i remember the days when i exclusively listened to rap and labels like ruff ryders and [especially] roc-a-fella were putting out consistently great records every few months. there are labels still putting out really good music, and this list is dedicated to those people who work on getting amazing artists into our record stores and shit:

5. def jam:
okay, so i only put def jam on this list because of their president, shawn carter. i don't care who you are, you know that jay-z is the benchmark of cool. the four coolest people to ever live are as follows: jesus christ, james dean, the fonz, and jay-z. president carter transends cool, regardless of race, just like henry winkler did for his legendary character in the 70's. says rza: "the fonz is the coolest motherfucker of anybody, white or black." and that goes the same for the president of def jam records. now, let's hope that they put out a decent album in 2006.

4. young god:
devendra banhart and akron/family put out two of the year's best albums this year, making micheal gira's folk-ish label a benchmark for creative music.

3. domino:
not only are they the uk label-of-choice for geniuses such as steven malkmus, but they have a roster that includes two of the most exciting uk acts today [franz ferdinand, arctic monkeys], and one very promising noise-art-punk band with a terrible name [test icicles]. expect another big year for this label, as they put out the arctic monkeys' debut, and yet another franz ferdinand album.

2. sub pop:
one breakout band [wolf parade], one genius a&r/producer [issac brock], and an overwhelming roster of talent, sub pop continues to be indie rock's new york yankees. and with new aquisition the brunettes, and albums from bands that change your life [the shins, iron & wine], 2006 is going to be yet another championship year.

1. barsuk:
i know what you're doing. this should be considered biased, since barsuk is a semi-obscure hometown label. however, the barsuk name is rising in stock as of late. the label has the most consistent roster in music today, put a whole bunch of great releases out [ultimatum, the weight is a gift, pixel revolt], and welcomed some extremely talented and established artists [mates of state, rocky votolato]. although they lost their breadwinner, death cab for cutie, they're starting ot prove that one band isn't going to make or break this label.

list season: the top 10 songs from bad (or largely mediocre) albums of 2005.

2005-12-25T04:07:00.000-08:00

now, i'm more of an albums person. so, if an album sucks, i'm not really into it, needless to say. however, there are some really great songs buried beneath all kinds of bullshit, and this list is in tribute to that:

10. bright eyes- "gold mind gutted" [from digital ash in a digital urn]:
as it is common knowledge in the world of indie rock/pop/folk/whatever, conor oberst released two albums in 2005. the folk record, which is being called the best record of his career [i personally prefer lifted], is undoubtedly the better of the two. the electro/rock record was at best mediocre [and i bought it on a regrettable impulse buy-- can i trade it in for i'm wide awake, it's morning?]. however, this song is better than the rest of this entire album combined. and it's easily worth at least half of the $15 i wasted.

9. ..and you will know us by the trail of dead- "worlds apart" [from worlds apart]:
there's something about the jangly guitars and the drum sound that just make me wanna shout along. it could also be one of the most profanity-laced lead singles from anyone who is not a rapper, but i could be wrong.

8. weezer- "haunt you every day" [from make believe]:
lyrically, sonically, and emotionally, it's the best song weezer has written since "keep fishin".

7. kaiser chiefs- "i predict a riot" [from employment]:
it's a crying shame when your best song is your lead single. makes everyone disappointed when you put out the album.

6. nada surf- "what is your secret?" [from the weight is a gift]:
nice actress metaphor, good harmonies. most of the rest of the album wears off after three weeks, but this song stuck with me for a long, long time.

5. 50 cent- "in my hood" [from the massacre]:
top-notch beat. a 50 cent hook so good, you wonder why he didn't think of any other mindless gangsta rap this good.

4. gorillaz, featuring mf doom- "november has come" [from demon days]:
you know the only reason why i think this is a good song. but, damon albarn does a good job on the hook. it almost "moves the whole spot like some old ass and skunk meat."

3. coldplay- "what if" [from x&y]:
the chorus is as anthemic as anything on a rush of blood to the head. too bad the rest of the album [except for certain moments] was just undeniably boring.

2. little brother- "watch me" [from the minstrel show]:
at some points, the album drags out. a lot. this song is the highlight.

1. oasis- "the importance of being idle" [from don't believe the truth]:
on a largely forgettable album with like two or three of oasis's top-dollar songs, "..idle" has to be the best oasis song since "champagne supernova". favorite oasis songs of all time, in order of importance: "don't look back at anger", "champagne supernova", "wonderwall", "live forever", and "the importance of being idle". noel falsettos are what dreams are made of.

list season: the top 5 breakout stars of 2005.

2005-12-24T02:14:00.000-08:00

sometimes, a band is a lot more special when they come from nowhere. last year, that band was a husband/wife songwriting team with a supporting cast of extremely capable musicians from montreal. this year, that band took over the fucking world, and david bowie invited them over for sandwiches. in 2005, there were a considerable amount of breakout stars, but few of them had the potential to be future superstars as the following five bands:

5. art brut-
eddie agros is a witty man. he got together with a bunch of rockers down for the cause, and wisecracked all the way to the bank [and top of the pops]. by just talking to the kids, art brut blitzed their way towards indie-rock royalty in 2005.

4. giant drag-
annie hardy took the "foul-mouthed, but cute-as-a-button" female singer/songwriter approach to new levels of stardom this year. oh, and the songs aren't half bad, either.

3. the subways-
although "rock and roll queen," the song that is all over modern rock radio and the o.c., is a "microwave anthem" for kids too young to remember nirvana the first time around, these kids took the perfect rock template [good looks, kick-ass stage presence, and the boy-brother-girlfriend lineup], and made better songs to back up their image. "i wanna hear what you have to say" and their amazing cover of tv on the radio's "staring at the sun" are good enough reasons to say that these kids are off to a running start.

2. wolf parade-
i must not be very cool. i didn't hear about these guys until sub pop had already released their untitled demo, building up buzz for their debut, apologies to the queen mary. then, before i knew it, they were playing cmj, and being touted as the next big things. oh, and the songs are amazing. i could name at least five songs off of the album that are modern classics.

1. arctic monkeys-
horrible name, amazing songs. at first, i couldn't see what the buzz was about. then, i heard "i bet you look good on the dancefloor" on kexp. needless to say, i was converted. i downloaded the demos that had been circling around the internet, and "scummy", "riot van", and "from the ritz to the rubble" are three of the best songs i've heard all year. if there were a genre called "band-that-absolutely-fucking-rocks," then the monkeys would be peeking their heads into the upper echelon.

list season: the top 10 b-sides/demos/unreleased songs of 2005.

2005-12-23T16:48:00.000-08:00

to me, a song is a song. and being the obscurist i am, i tend to prefer b-sides and rarities more than i enjoy the hit singles. that's one of the reasons why i chose to cover "waiting on you" instead of, say, "el scorcho". b-sides sometimes are throwaways, sure, but when you're a good artist, it shows your depth as a songwriter. listening to a demo is like reading a songwriter's notebook: you only get what's necessary. and unreleased songs are sometimes unreleased for good reasons, but sometimes not. so, here's my tribute to the best hard-to-find songs of this calendar year:

10. death cab for cutie- "jealousy rides with me" [b-side to "soul meets body"]:
i'm a sucker for extended metaphor. and this song is not very much different in simplicity and emotional relavance to their cover of "earth angel".

9. kanye west featuring talib kweli, q-tip, common, and rhymefest- "we can make it better" [i believe this is from the japanese version of late registration]:
just when you think kanye is going to strangle this track with his observation of a sorrority girl ["delta's brown-skinned, aka's light-skinned/and they supposed to be bougie, so they got white friends/first day of school, i'ma take you sight-seeing/show you what we do on weekends for excitement/she said, "i know what you 'bout to say like your hypeman"/she had a nigga hit her, now she only date white men.."], rhymefest steals the entire show with one line: "clinton ain't in office, who gon' give us shit free, now?"

8. hot hot heat- "wait a second" [demo, also one of the b-sides to the "goodnight goodnight" single]:
when i heard the almost-anthemic chorus, i got really excited for elevator to be released. they should have kept this song for the album, because it's better than most everything on the full-length.

7. bloc party- "hero" [b-side to "two more years"]:
the second-best use of handclaps in a song this year. that's a good enough reason to put them on the list.

6. maximo park- "stray talk" [b-side to "grafitti" (i think)]:
it was a welcome change-of-direction when i first heard this track, which is a dance-post-disco-punk band with an entirely acoustic track. not entirely folky, but very stripped down and enjoyable.

5. elliot smith- "angel in the snow" [unreleased]:
beautiful, yet undeniably melancholy. still, i can't help singing along to the chorus: "don't you know i loooooved you.." it proves that there is still a broad red line between "emotional" and "emo".

4. the futureheads- "we cannot lose" [b-side to "area"]:
the simplistic bassline, the urgency in the extremely singable chorus.. there's not much to not like about this song. except how many times i play it in succession, and do my frustratingly annoying air guitar moves.

3. tv on the radio- "dry drunk emporer" [free download, unreleased song]:
for everyone who thought "when the president talks to god" was a little too direct, here's a protest song with a little more subtlety. the live version is just as defiant.

2. sufjan stevens- "chicago (solo banjo demo)" [unreleased]:
listening to this acoustic version of "chicago", it made me realize that why i prefer seven swans to the projects from the "50 states project". sufjan sounds more vulnerable over intimate arrangements. and i'm a sucker for minimalism, too. when i hear sufjan sing, "i drove to new york/in a van/with my friend/we slept in parking lots/i don't mind/i don't mind," i can see the music video in my head. this song is the perfect soundtrack for driving cross country and sleeping in parking lots. not that i've done that lately or anything.

1. radiohead- "i want none of this" [from help: a day in the life]:
i've always preferred Gloomy Radiohead™ to any other form of the band. "bulletproof (i wish i was)," "exit music (for a film)," and "we suck young blood" have always been among my favorite radiohead songs. "street spirit" is one of the best songs ever made. i love sitting in a dark-ish room and listening to radiohead, pondering my existance and everyone else's. okay, maybe not the last one, but radiohead is the perfect soundtrack to a late night or a comedown [or, perhaps, a late-night comedown]. if "i want none of this" is an eerie sample of things to come, then a lot of people aren't going to like radiohead's new album, whenever it comes out. however, i will be first in line to say radiohead outdid themselves once again.

you'll never believe me, so/why don't you find out for yourself?

2005-12-23T12:03:00.000-08:00

i wanted to thank all of my favorite blogs for linking armchair up with the "list season" posts. i consider myself more of a blog fan than an actual blogger, so the fact that so many sites that people read like the bible [most notably: largehearted boy, gvb, chromewaves, and clever titles, not to mention anyone whose blog i haven't read who linked me up] read my blog is unreal. it started out as a fun way to pass the time, a satire of music journalism. i feel like i don't deserve all this attention, but i like it anyway. haha..

about list season: i apologize for not making a list season post every day on the day that it says it's posted [i'm usually 1-3 days behind], but i promise you, on january 1st, there's going to be a list for every day of the month of december. and, of course, since bethanne contributes as well, sometimes two. i feel the need to offer an explanation: i work in retail. 'nuff said.

matt from you ain't no picasso [http://youaintnopicasso.blogspot.com] has "the prettiest songs written about serial killers", and "bailey part two" isn't on there. he must not have heard it. plus, "bailey.." is fictional, and i don't know if he meant "prettiest songs about REAL serial killers". i felt the obligation to contact him on myspace [he's on fresh cherries from yakima's friends list] and tell him about it. it's bethanne's favorite fresh cherries song. that's gotta count for something.

list season: bethanne's favorite holiday songs

2005-12-22T20:58:00.000-08:00

Ah, the Christmas season is here. Unfortunatly for many who go shopping for last-minute gifts trying to get into the holiday spirit, we have to hear the same holiday tunes over store PAs while waiting in line. However, I'm here to share my favorite Christmas songs for those to appreciate. (In no particular order.)

1. Run-DMC - Christmas In Hollis

I grew up with this being on MTV every year for Christmas - when they were playing videos, anyway - and with it being featured on an old skit on Jackass makes me love this song even more. It's my favorite Christmas song because it was unexpected at the time it was recorded and it still resonates with me today. (Check out Thunderbirds Are Now! covering this song on Clever Titles...)

2. Blink 182 - I Won't Be Home For Christmas

It's the makings of a classic Christmas song: Boy goes psycho around Christmas time. Destroys decorations. Girlfriend gets concerned. Cops get called. Boy gets thrown in jail and forced by his cellmate to perform anal sex. And you thought your plans for the holiday were horrible........

Moral of the story: I'm a sucker for juvenile behavior. I miss Blink.

3. The Vandals - Oi! To The World

The classic punk-rock Christmas song. No Doubt tried - and kind of failed - to cover this song properly. Though they used horns to give it a ska-feel, I prefer my punk rock christmas songs to be....PUNK ROCK!

4. Rilo Kiley - Christmas Cake

This song is cute. Especially the begining.

5. My Chemical Romance - All I Want For Christmas Is You

Mr. Douglas and I were just talking about this song - and thus gave me the idea to write this list - after I told him how I had this song downloaded. I gave it a spin and found it much more tolerable and awesome than the original version by Mariah Carey. (At least Gerald Way doesn't sound like a dying cat.) Of course, it spawned this part of the coversation:

bethanne: hot button topic for december: who would you rather have serenade you? gerald way or mariah carey?
douglas: haha; niiice!

I now leave you guys with that question.

And try to enjoy the holidays and don't wait until the last minute to spread that holiday cheer. Oh what fun.

list season: the armchair awards.

2005-12-21T18:07:00.000-08:00

best song title of 2005: thunderbirds are now- "better safe than safari"
runner up: final fantasy- "the cn tower belongs to the dead"

best waste of time of 2005: date my mom, season one.

most inappropriate line to quote in front of your boss in 2005: "whatcha gonna do with all that ass, all that ass inside them jeans?"

cultural phenomenon that i totally missed the boat on in 2005: "they ain't ready" by k-fed.

cultural phenomenon that i joined in 2004 that blew up like a biblical event in 2005: myspace

best use of handclaps of 2005: "the not-so city life" by pants yell!

the coolest second-banana of 2005: blake sennett of rilo kiley.

best blatant robbery of a catchphrase in 2005: clever titles are so last summer- "we got the internet goin' nuts" [stolen from paul wall on "still tippin' "]

most OBVIOUS statement of 2005: "george bush doesn't care about black people."

best insult of 2005: "picking on the killers is like pushing a kid out of a wheelchair." -sam of the bravery.

list season: the top 11 musical surprise moments of 2005.

2005-12-20T21:55:00.000-08:00

sometimes, when you're listening to a song, there is a moment that knocks you on your ass. those moments are what music snobs like us live for. we like bands that throw curveballs, to sit in front of our computers, or on the bus with our i-pods, and say "wtf?" for that reason, that's why most of us think jack johnson is irrepressibly boring. so, here are my favorite surprise moments of the year:

11. "one nigga, two nigga, three nigga, four. one of these niggas is 'bout to get FUCKED UP!"
-'ol dirty bastard, from "lift ya skirt" [rhymefest's a star is born, volume 1]:
first of all, the couplet doesn't rhyme. secondly, dirty yells "FUCKED UP" seemingly out of nowhere. at first, it's kinda jarring, but it's just dirty being dirty, and [even if you're white], you find yourself rapping along to it.

10. the end of "library" by final fantasy:
the entire song is a backwards bass kick and a violin melody. once the actual song is finished, a brass instrument and a plucked violin carries the track outward with a darker feel. it changes the mood suddenly, and makes you think about the song in an entirely different light.

9. meatwad quoting "beef rapp":
mf doom gives the mic to meatwad [from the hillarious animated comedy aqua teen hunger force], who raps almost the entire first verse of the mf classic. and then caps carl in the process. gangsta. pure gangsta.

8. the middle eight bars in the verses of okkervil river's "for real":
it starts out so quiet, and then, the guitars burst, and will sheriff is screaming "I REALLY MISS WHAT REALLY DIDN'T EXIST..." the soft-quiet dynamic is what makes this song so fucking special.

7. clap your hands say yeah, "clap your hands":
you'd never expect a band who can't go a whole record review without the words "talking" and "heads" to make an intro that sounds like harry carey fronting a circus. some people think this is the worst track, and a blemish on an otherwise perfect album, but i think it makes sense to start off an album with someone noone was really expecting. plus, i think it's a really good song.

6. r. kelly's "trapped in the closet", where rufus reveals that he's gay:
the first in a series of bizzare twists, this is the exact moment in my life when i realized that robert kelly is a genius.

5. the beginning of xiu xiu's cover of "gigantic":
you know how the doors on dollar stores have little bells on them? well, one is slammed like right at the beginning of this song, and you're like, "what the fuck was that?" and then, it actually becomes pretty cool.

4. about two minutes into death cab for cutie's "different names for the same thing":
in the spirit of transatlanticism, the song starts out like a piano ballad. then, it goes into this postal service-esque series of blips and basslines [which is probably one of the best basslines i've heard this year], and goes into full-on rock mode. it sounds like it would be fun to play, and more importantly, it doesn't sounds like something you'd expect at all on the first listen.

3. towards the end of clap your hands say yeah's "is this love":
the time signature change is pure genius, and catchy as all hell.

2. "dear sons and daughters of hungry ghosts" by wolf parade:
not the entire song, but one of the most surprising [and best] lyrics of the year: "god doesn't always have the best goddamn plans".

1. the tempo change in fiona apple's "not about love":
the very first time i heard it [the jon brion version was leaked on my local radio station. yes, the one that got national headlines for leaking fiona's entire album on the radio. the one that made andrew harms, arguably seattle's best dj, a national footnote], the tempo in the entire second verse was sped-up to no end, and almost sounded unrecognizable. it made fiona sound like she was crazy. and it made me want to listen to that song every day for the rest of my natural life.

list season: the top seven cover songs in 2005. [with honorable mentions]

2005-12-19T20:48:00.000-08:00

cover songs are a tricky breed. some strip all of the elements of the original song and make something even better, and other strip the elements of the original song and make it a steaming pile of crap. some bands add things, and others take everything out except for the melody [see: tv on the radio's cover of "mr. grieves", one of my favorite cover songs of all time]. so, here are some of the cover songs i heard in 2005 that made me think of the original in a whole different light:

7. mystery jets- "pioneers" [bloc party cover]:
an almost calyspo-pop cover of the paranoid-sounding original. makes me wanna dance instead of worry about the state of the world.

6. the subways- "staring at the sun" [tv on the radio cover]:
a bright, acoustic cover of a dark, electronic original. the subways take something frantic and turn it into something beautiful. props to them for being a breakout major-label band covering such a genius band that is still in relative obscurity.

5. maximo park- "isolation" [john lennon cover]:
these boys take a classic and absolutely OWN it. probably the only band in the world besides the futureheads that can make a neo-new-wave dancefloor anthem in 5/4 time.

4. bishop allen- "psycho killer" [talking heads cover]:
it sounds almost just like the original, but that's why it works. most dance-punk bands should play this at every show.

3. the decemberists- "ask" [smiths cover]:
they probably played this in years past, but i only heard it about three months ago. the saxaphone and the military-esque drumming makes it work for me.

2. iron & wine- "such great heights" [postal service cover]:
better than the original. the lyrics work better with sam beam's hushed vocals and harmonies better than the twitchy synth-pop. maybe i'm biased, because i don't like the postal service. at all.

1. the arcade fire- "maps" [yeah yeah yeahs cover]:
one of 2004's best bands covering another one of 2004's best bands. a novel idea, and it works, due to the arcade fire's fixation on excessive instrumentation, whereas the original was based on minimalism.

honorable mentions:
david gray- "smile like you mean it" [killers cover]
the decemberists- "wuthering heights" [kate bush cover]
okkervil river- "black sheep boy" [tim harding cover]
the white stripes- "walking with a ghost" [tegan and sara cover]

best fresh cherries from yakima covers:
"you are a runner and i am my father's son" [wolf parade cover]
"eli, the barrowboy" [decemberists cover]
"waiting on you" [weezer cover]
(they're floating around the internet, so you can find them if you try. hint: use my sidebar)

list season: the top ten mf doom lyrics of 2005.

2005-12-18T16:41:00.000-08:00

i've made it no secret that mf doom is my favorite rapper. as a fan of lyricism, his idiosyncratic and obscure pop culture references are something i live for. although he 2005 collaboration with dangerdoom was the best rap release of 2005, it was far from the villian's best work. that should tell you what i've already known for a while: a lackluster effort from metalface is still better than most rap aritsts best efforts. here are the best lyrics from the mouse and the mask, as well as his guests appearances on records by rza and de la soul:

10. "cheers, is that your beer kid? then swallow it/or get chased by the sandman on some apollo shit"

9. "scared of a bunch of water/then get out the rain/order a rapper for lunch/and spit out the chain"

8. "tears burn your eyes worse than fresh s-curl sauce"

7. "cornier and phonier than a play-fight/take two of these and don't phone me on the late night"

6. "show love to others/we all brothers like the bee gees"

5. "drag him by his mic cord and leave him holdin' the bag"

4. "act like you know like toucan sam and them/he eat rappers like part of a complete breakfast/they rhymes ain't worth the weight of they cheap necklace"

3. "got it sewn up like thread 'n bobbin' bonus pack"

2. "closet full of skeletons and terry cloth kangols"

1. "they raps ain't got no gift like a lonely christmas"

list season: top 6 blogs of 2005.

2005-12-17T10:44:00.000-08:00

ladies and gentlemen, this is a blog. blogs, which are short for "weblogs", are where people from all walks of life can make an online journal of whatever is on their mind. there are book blogs, photography blogs, but the most popular are music blogs. music blogs can do many different things. they can host rare or not-so-rare mp3's [something the armchair novelist doesn't do, because i'm too lazy to take them down if a record label demands that of me-- in which i probably would respond with an erect middle finger, anyway], aloof opinions about musicians and music in general [which is the foundation on which this particular blogs stands], a chance to feature a flavor-of-the-month, or an opportunity for a little-known band to get some moderate-to-major exposure. i just started regularly reading blogs in 2005, so here are my favorites, which should be expected:

6. brooklyn vegan-
this is one of the major players in the blog-o-sphere [i dislike that term, but nothing describes it better]. the vegan does live reviews, sometimes posts rare or brand-new mp3's, and provides links. everything a blog should do. i do have to say that i mostly go to brooklyn vegan only for its sidebar.

5. muzzle of bees-
in-depth live reviews. mp3's galore. the innovative "getting to know your blogger" features. solid writing. there are so many good things about this blog. including but not limited to the fact that ryan's sidebar is in alphabetical order. good for the armchair novelist, bad for you ain't no picasso [who really doesn't need that much help with traffic anyway].

4. chromewaves-
i read it religiously because of frank's GREAT links to what's going on. plus, the "sunday cleaning" feature is something i'm intensely jealous of not thinking of first.

3. largehearted boy-
i can't say enough good things about it. shorties, daily downloads, bittorrent bunch? godddamn. i go to lhb every day. sometimes twice, to make sure i didn't miss anything. i even went through the archives a couple months ago.

2. gorilla vs. bear-
chris has become one of the most popular bloggers on the web, and for good reason. he mixes up the news, reviews, and mp3's from indie favorites [such as his obsession, sufjan stevens] with pieces on little known bands who should get some decent exposure. i first heard about birdmonster from him, and now, they're poised to be the breakout band of 2006. it also doesn't hurt to have the most in-depth sidebar in the history of blogging.

1. clever titles are so last summer-
i know this sounds like total and complete bias [after all, bethanne IS a contributor to my own blog], but let me give you the reasons why bethanne has possibly the best blog in the world right now:

+coverage of the lansing music scene [where i've discovered some awesome bands such as those transatlantics and calliope], as well as mp3's by obscure bands [such as javelins and a very obscure project called fresh cherries from yakima].

+honest and witty commentary about shitty bands and rappers.

+a different theme almost every week. [last week- covers. this week- side projects. pardon the omaha bias.]

+former [or current?] obsession with my favorite songwriter, colin meloy.

+in-depth [bordering on obsessive-compulsive, which is a good thing when you're talking writing] live reviews.

+undoubtedly the hardest working blogger out there right now.

list season: best in show 2005.

2005-12-16T12:10:00.000-08:00

i was inspired by yeti don't dance [http://noyetidance.blogspot.com] to do my very own shows list. and instead of ranking them, like i've done for almost every list this month, i'll format it just like jerry did. hey, it's okay for me to bite someone's style every once in a while; it's not like i NEVER have my own ideas:

best show i went to by myself:
the long winters @ chop suey. i intentionally by myself, because i bought tickets like two days before the show, so it was more of a "seat of the pants" type deal. and i do have to say that i really enjoyed myself that night. hearing "the commander thinks aloud" for the very first time is like losing your virginity.

other best show i went to by myself:
bloc party @ neumo's. i tried to find like five people to go with, and they all cancelled on me, so i sold my ticket in line for $10. waiting for the doors to open, the guy in front of me gave me a pop tart. they were generic ones [meaning they tasted terrible], but that's the nicest thing a stranger has ever done for me. the best moment of that show came from during the freakout in "positive tension", where the band was going crazy [especially russell and his skinny arms strumming the guitar harder than anyone i've ever seen], the crowd in front of me was moshing, and i'm standing in awe directly behind the mosh pit, and everyone stopping to scream, "SO FUCKING USELESS!"

best acknowledgement of an encore:
tegan and sara @ neumo's. "this is the part where we go backstage and stand awkwardly for like three minutes, and then come back out to play some more songs."

best use of a drum kit:
franz ferdinand @ the paramount. alex kept standing on the drum kit and jumping off. i couldn't count enough times he did that, but it looked really cool. they had stairs leading to the drums!

worst display of hipster coolness:
tv on the radio @ the paramount. these guys played the most life-affirming, visceral set i've ever seen in my life, and all of the fucking goddamn scenesters just stood there with their arms are folded, like they were too good to enjoy the shit. they played their hearts out, and got a lukewarm response. that hurts my heart.

best place to meet a nice lesbian [aka the "pink triangle award"]:
tegan and sara @ neumo's.

bad band who totally had a kick-ass show:
the bravery @ endfest [white river amplitheater]. i watched these guys CONTROL the crowd with a stage presence brandon flowers couldn't muster up on his best fucking day.

best use of irony and a hip-hop cover:
aqueduct @ endfest. for god's sake, they played "damn it feels good to be a gangsta" by the geto boys! and it was a perfect moment to be in the sun that day.

best boring live band:
interpol @ endfest. i'm a big fan of the band, but they're pretty boring live. i'd rather just listen to the records at home and pantomime them myself.

best use of an accordion:
the decemberists @ the showbox. they played a week before they released picaresque, and all the kids knew the words. it was fun.

best onstage banter:
john roderick [the long winters] @ the crocodile cafe. there were too much wit going on during the show for me to list a highlight reel, but trust me: there's probably not a single soul in the music industry who is better at being a smart-ass.

best live moment:
5,000 kids jumping up and down and shouting the lyrics to "take me out". at the paramount. on my BIRTHDAY. i couldn't have dreamed of a better birthday party.

list season: top 9 rap albums of 2005.

2005-12-15T22:07:00.000-08:00

2005 was a really stagnant year for hip-hop, let me tell you. as much as i love the art form, when you have a frustratingly mediocre rapper like young jezzy and a horrific one like mike jones [who?] being your breakout stars of the year, then something is seriously wrong with the state of hip-hop these days. lil wayne and juelz santana might have been on the list if i had listened to their records before the deadline. to name my top nine hip-hop albums of the year was a REAL fucking stretch, but i think i can do it.

9. the game- the documentary:
bol [http://www.byroncrawford.com] said it best when he summed up the tracks that just blaze produced for this album: "not only does just blaze create amazing rap records, he creates amazing rap records for motherfuckers who can't even RAP!" game's rapping talent is marginal at best [but EXTREMELY better than 50 cent's rap style], but somehow, he created one of the only hip-hop records this year that elicited more than one listen.

essential track: "no more fun and games"

8. re-up gang- we got it 4 cheap, volume one:
coke rap was really big in 2005, and due to some label drama with jive records, malice and pusha were at the forefront of it, because they do it better [and more often] than any other rapper. i'm glad they got it for cheap, but if they upped the price, i wouldn't be mad. they deserve to get the big payoff. the other members of the re-up gang, sandman and ab-liva, are great additions to the group. gun in my hand, no watch as i bear arms, indeed.

essential track: "studin y'all"

7. little brother- the minstrel show:
the minstrelization of hip-hop music is a topic that should have been touched on years ago, and thanks should go out to phonte and big pooh for having the balls to make a concept album out of it on their major label debut, making it the most punk-rock thing a rap group has ever done. although the first two listens are the most rewarding, little brother is too good of a group to get blacklisted by national black media. it's a damn shame, but it happens to the best groups.

essential track: "watch me"

6. one be lo- sonogram:
the most underrated rapper out right now. point blank, period.

essential track: "propaganda"

5. re-up gang- we got it 4 cheap, volume 2:
they did it again. two albums on the same list. i told you hip-hop had a stagnant year. not to mention that pharrell is on a hot streak as far as his rap skills are concerned. "sprinkle my kicks and snares, soundin' like little me's/it's a shame cause you make little cheese/how you gangsta or pimp with little bullets, little freeeeaks..?"

essential track: "play your part"

4. common- be:
this record was highly-anticipated when kanye west put his executive producer stamp on this album. but the star is not kanye's production, surprisingly. common delivers his best lyrical performance in years. "go" is probably one of my least favorite songs of the year, but it sure beats the hell out of listening to "my humps" for the 475th time.

essential track: "chi city"

3. think differently presents wu-tang meets the indie culture:
i was very skeptical of this project, due to the number of low-level rap projects that are wu-tang affilliated. however, i was floored by the number of quality tracks on this release. ras kass and del the funky homosapien steal the show with two tracks each, but my favorite rapper, mf doom provides the highlight reel during his verse of the release's first "single". his verse was so good, that rza went back to the studio and put a verse at the end of the song.

essential track: rza featuring mf doom- "biochemical equation"

2. kanye west- late registration:
as much as i hate to build kanye's ego even more [he's good, but not good enough to be an asshole], when he hooked up with jon brion and spent two million dollars recording the follow-up to his eponymous debut, the two of them made the most musically-ambitious hip-hop album of all time. what rap songs do YOU know have the glockenspiel on them? kanye's lyricism isn't above par, but it's good enough. i suppose i can let him talk his shit again.

essential track: "we major (featuring nas and really doe)"

1. dangerdoom- the mouse and the mask:
this is no surprise to regular readers of this blog, but honestly, noone can hold a candle to doom's lyricism. couple that with danger mouse's best beats that had nothing to do with paul mccartney, and you have the hip-hop album of the year. it's no madvillian, but this year was so lackluster as far as hip-hop was concerned, if doom would have coughed on a record, he would have made rap record of the year.

essential track: "bada bing"

list season: bethanne's five favorite side-projects

2005-12-15T11:46:00.000-08:00

Taking a break from the MP3-palooza that is my main gig, I'm glad to give this list as a sneak-peek of what I'm going to be posting MP3s of next week.

For some people in bands, playing in one band isn't enough. Some people can't stop making music and that is why we have these five wonderful bands (okay, technically six.....) that prove that even as a side project, these bands can stand out in their own right.

5. The Good Mornings

Two of my friends in Calliope are present in this band. Instead of the swirling, psychadelic pop Calliope is known for, the Good Mornings inject country and folk into alternative pop and come off as charming and enduring. It's a damn shame they are going to be no more after January.

4. Mayday

Not only does this band boasts Ted Stevens of Cursive, but also Pat Oakes of Ladyfinger and several (former) members of Bright Eyes and Lullaby for the Working Class. Country-rock with whiskey and gin at its' finest. Their album Bushido Kareoke is a damn fine album from this year.

3. The Postal Service

Yes, I do not like Ben Gibbard. But I have to give him and Jimmy Tamborello of Dntel credit for crafting catchy pop songs that not only get stuck in your head, but also make you feel familiar in uncertain places.

2. The Good Life

One of the ultimate side-projects. Again, another member of Cursive is featured, only this time, it's Tim Kasher and the songs range from poppy and mellow to heartwrenching and self-depricating. This is NOT the music you should listen to when you drink since you will feel sad for days.

1. Beep Beep / Broken Spindles

Joel Petersen of The Faint is the hardest working man in the indie music scene these days. Why? He's got three bands to play in. Not only do you have the Faint with their dark-wave dance rock, but Beep Beep's art-punk and sexually charged lyrics are unlike anything you'll hear on your typical MP3 blog. Broken Spindles, Joel's solo-side project, combines wicked instrumental electronic music with dark vocals and raw emotion while gorgeous rhythms and melodies chime in the background. Glorious, glorious, glorious.

list season: top six underrated bands of 2005.

2005-12-14T17:44:00.000-08:00

i hate using the word "overrated", it just seems to come from bitter, jealous people who can't think of any slurs against really good bands. "underrated", however, is a completely fair word, used to give shine to those people who deserve recognition. ladies and gentlemen, the most underrated bands of 2005.

6. the national-
i know i said that they were ranked too high on the "best bands of 2005" list, but i actually hadn't heard alligator at the time. they're really good, and i don't hear enough about them.

5. chad vangaalen-
in the vast pool of singer/songwriters in independent music, infiniheart proved to be a quiet sleeper during its year of release in america. vangaalen is one of the most talented songwriters in the field right now, and i'll be dammed if you can give me a better song concept than falling asleep at the wheel ["1000 pound eyelids"].

4. graham coxon-
happiness in magazines was more liked by me than anything that blur has put out, especially "freaking out". yet, damon albarn still gets more press for his abysmal gorillaz follow-up. coxon can't even sell in america, and that's a goddamn shame.

3. ras kass-
he stole the show on the wu-tang meets the indie culture album ["the rape over: cheney chargin' $45 dollars for a case of soda.."], and yet, the bloggers still don't give him his well-earned props. ras is one of the illest rappers to EVER live. he's just too intellegent for his own good. at least i can appreciate that.

2. maximo park-
in the year of gang of four and bands-that-sound-like gang of four, this newcastle band was criminally underlooked in america. the only post-punk bands that have better songs are the futureheads, bloc party, and interpol. "apply some pressure", "grafitti", "wasteland" [from the help! a day in the life disc], and their AMAZING cover of "isolation" alone were better than most bands' entire albums.

1. final fantasy-
sometimes, i think americans wouldn't know a good singer/songwriter if one bit them in the fucking ass. no offense to sufjan, but owen pallett is one of the wittiest, musically-talented, original songwriters i've heard in years. and no offense to stephen merritt, but owen pallett is my favorite gay songwriter. from beginning to end, has a good home is one of the best albums i've heard this year, and it saddened me for it to not be included on TOO FUCKING MANY year-end lists. you americans disappoint me. disgraceful. note to all bloggers in 2006: MAKE OWEN PALLETT KING OF THE WORLD.

live review: mf doom [featuring one be lo, john robinson, and two white guys who really sucked]; chop suey, 12/12/05

2005-12-13T15:11:00.000-08:00

i'm extremely mad at mf doom. not like "he's not my favorite rapper anymore" mad, but "how dare you make your fans pay 22 dollars and get bored out of their minds waiting for you to rock the house" mad. doom, for a rapper, is an extremely charismatic performer, and he really blew the roof off of the joint. but making us wait FOUR HOURS to get on, and making us sit through five different rappers before you decide to take the stage? wow.

the first rapper, i actually forgot his name. but i remember the fact that he was awful. "white privilege" was his first song, which was basically a gripe that he wasn't being respected as a white rapper, name-dropping eminem and elvis in the process. ho-hum, get over yourself. the highlight of his set was when he threw on a george bush mask, and did an awesome satire rap from the point-of-view of our president. then, he went into the most horrific, embarassing display of hip-hop the entire night: "the penis song", in which he wasted three and a half minutes complaining about how small his penis is. horrible.

one be lo then took the stage, and i hate to spoil the rest of this paragraph, but other than doom, the man also known as one man army was the best rapper of the night. he had skill, charisma, stage presence.. he was the total package. he deserves to be successful. my buddy austin and i congratulated him as he walked through the crowd later on. my other buddy ryan bought two of his cd's, and we listened to them on the way home.

moka only was the next rapper's name. he was a tall, lanky, goofy white guy that couldn't rap. and he used the n-word very freely. i'm sure he only did it because 80% of the entire crowd was white. he was an embarassment to hip-hop, and at one moment, when the crowd fell silent, i booed him, and the part of the audience near me laughed hysterically. then, in a moment of defense, he mocked me, which i thought was cute. this guy was definitely the worst rapper of the night.

then, doom's hypemen came out and performed a couple [boring songs]. then, john robinson came out, and although he was good, the crowd was bored and hungry for some doom [we'd been listening to music since eight, and it was nearly 11:30]. then, another of doom's hypemen performed a song, and they weren't as good as john robinson's shit [mostly because john had almost all of his tracks produced by doom]. i was asleep standing up, then i heard a loud cheer. IT'S DOOM-- in a long-sleeved t-shirt and a backwards, all-black, new era fitted cap! he stood behind the turntables for the rest of his hypeman's set, and everyone was into it, because DOOM WAS IN THE BUILDING!

finally, doom starts off his set with "hoe cakes", with everyone in the crowd chanting "super"! our hero went into an abbriviated tour of mm.. food, with the crowd in the palm of his hand. he did "kookies", "kon karne", "beef rapp", as well as other songs. he also went into a few madvillain songs, which elicited just as big a response as the mm.. food joints. he did "curls", "figaro" (which everyone belted out at the end..), and "accordion". then, he went all the way back to operation.. doomsday! those songs didn't generally get a great reception except for longtime fans like me and my buddy bryan.. especially when "rhymes like dimes" came on. then, he left the stage and did a one-song encore from take me to your leader. and he left just like he came. with the crowd wanting more doom.

the show as a whole was way too long, and with a small percentage of quality acts. if the bill only consisted of doom, one be lo, and john robinson, then the show would have been a success. but the shitty white rappers caused the show to be a bit of overkill. and the white guys were so shitty, i told austin (who, just in case you didn't catch it, IS white) that i would be embarassed to be white that night. but i suppose the bill made people even more hungry for doom than anyone expected, which made his performance even more exciting.

future list season post: things martha stewart should do with nirvana's publishing.

2005-12-13T15:01:00.000-08:00

http://www.stereogum.com/archives/002161.html

martin: did you hear about martha stewart buying part of nirvana's publishing? sorry for interrupting, but wow.
bethanne: yes
bethanne: i'm miffed
martin: weirdness.
martin: what's martha stewart going to do with nirvana's publishing? bake it cookies?
bethanne: hahahahaha
bethanne: there's a list for you to make now!
martin: things martha stewart should do with nirvana's publishing.
martin: hahaha..
bethanne: that would rule

list season: the top 10 songs on "funeral"

2005-12-13T14:22:00.000-08:00

you know it, i know it, bethanne knows it. funeral by the arcade fire was the best album of last year. so, in a move that usually isn't typical of many bloggers, i'm going to skip back an entire calendar year, and give you my favorite tracks from this classic album.

10. "haiti"-
out of the dark tracks, the anthemic tracks, the uplifiting ones, a pop song doesn't really fit. even though it's one of the best pop songs of the year.

9. "neighborhood #3 (power out)"-
doing a list like this is like ranking your children. it's blasphemous, but i told myself that i was going to do it. i'd have to say that the only downside to this song is the vocals. i can't sing along to screaming. haha.

8. "neighborhood #2 (laika)"-
everytime i play this song around my sister/roommate, she goes, "what the hell is that white guy screaming about?" once again, you can't sing along to screaming. but, like "#3", this is a good song, and it's agonizing for me to point out the things i dislike about the songs.

7. "une annee sans lamiere"-
i can't sing along to french. maybe if it were spanish..

6. "rebellion (lies)"-
when the drum kick from "haiti" continues, everyone knows where it's going. the 90's alt-rock-equse bassline kicks in, and win's calmest vocals on the record float through the first verse. when win's vocals get more impassionate, i get goosebumps.

5. "neighborhood #4 (7 kettles)"-
maybe i like this track because it screams "fresh cherries from yakima"! the sparse acoustic guitar line, the kettles in the background, the cymbal flourishes. it sounds like a song i'd record if i had the money and extraordinarily talented musicians around me. plus, the lyric "you can't raise a baby on motor oil" is obvious, but uplifiting at the same time.

4. "in the backseat"-
one of the best album closers ever, it has regine on vocals, and her wail at the end give me chills. the musicial build-up to the end makes for the most climactic moment on the album.

3. "wake up"-
uplifting record. i can't say enough good things about them, so i won't even start. but, i do have to say the tempo change at the end to the motown-esque jam is one of the best moments i've heard in indie rock in a loooong time.

2. "neighborhood #1 (tunnels)"-
without a doubt the best lyrical performance on the album ("yeah, i'll build a tunnel, from my window to yours"), the narrative of building a city on top of the snowed-in town is probably the best concept i've ever heard, and i'm jealous i didn't write it.

1. "crown of love"-
a perfect song. harmonies, melodies, instrumentation, everything. especially when they speed up the tempo at the end.

yet ANOTHER reason why i hate republicans.

2005-12-13T13:41:00.000-08:00

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1517985/20051213/index.jhtml?headlines=true

sure, this man was a gang member, and he might or might not have murdered those people, but this man turned his life around. and what does he get for it? he gets killed by the terminator. fuck arnold. fuck george bush jr. and sr. sorry sacks of shit they all are.

list season: top 8 seattle albums/ep's of 2005.

2005-12-12T18:34:00.000-08:00

if you hadn't noticed, i live in the greater-seattle area. i've lived out here for about 7 1/2 years, and in those years [partially due to listening exclusively to hip-hop], i never knew there was such a vivrant music scene. and i feel ashamed that i didn't know this before last year. oh well; what's in yesterday's newspaper is old news. and next year, who knows? your boy might even be a PART of the music scene here. here are my top 7 seattle-area releases of 2005:

8. harvey danger- little by little:
sean nelson is undoubtedly one of the most talented lyricists in alternative rock, and this release is no exception at all [sample lyric, from "cream and bastards rise": "you don't have to be a genius, but it helps to"-- proving that although noone likes a smartass, it's only because they're jealous]. "wine, women, and song" is my favorite song out of harvey danger's entire discography. yes, i like it even more than "flagpole sitta".

7. the pale pacific- urgency:
the first time i heard this cd, i immediately dismissed it as " diet death cab for cutie", but as an indie-pop group, the pale pacific have a lot of promise. especially on songs like "back to you" and their most rocking song, "written down".

6. laura veirs- year of meteors:
this release is so varied that it basically defies classification. from the subdued, yet uptempo "secret someones", to the rocking "black gold blues", to the almost-too-lo-fi "untitled", this is one of the sleeper hits of the year. my favorite track being the folky "through the glow", laura's sweet voice almost makes up for her choice in eyewear. [i'm sorry. i have a right not to like her glasses, don't i?]

5. math and physics club- weekends away ep:
the first time i heard "sixteen and pretty", i fell silent for about fourty minutes after i heard it. such a beautiful song. the entire ep is chock full of great twee-pop songs, reminiscent of the lucksmiths or tigermilk-era belle & sebastian, minus the cynicism.

4. death cab for cutie- plans:
let me start out by saying that the backlash against death cab was completely unwarranted. "sellout" is a term that went out of style in like 1996. seriously; let's be mature. "crooked teeth" has a solo that sounds like it was cribbed off of "my iron lung", which is not a bad reference point. "different names for the same thing" is one of my favorite songs off of the album, and "i will follow you into the dark" is possibly the best song that ben gibbard has ever written. no extra instruments, no white noise [like on "a lack of color"]; just ben's voice and an acoustic guitar. exactly how death cab for cutie probably started.

3. aqueduct- i sold gold:
earlier in the year, kanye west called franz ferdinand's style "white crunk", but if anyone can take that genre and run with it, it would be david terry. keyboards, live drums, and electric guitars are all over the place on this energetic, rhythmic album. "hardcore days and softcore nights" reads like a hip-hop song, anyway ["don't ever ask me where i'm from/in six states, that's considered dumb"]. aqueduct straddles the line between comical and beautiful all over this album.

2. luke temple- hold a match for the gasoline world:
i bought this cd from the mill pond records website, and the day i got it [which was in like april or may], i listened to it four times in succession. from the opening clarinet note on "someone, somewhere", to the last bit of white noise from the hidden track. although he gets lots of comparisons to paul simon, can paul howl like luke does on "god only knows"? if so, e-mail me the track in which he does. i'm not familiar with his work. the best part about luke temple is that he knows exactly what instruments to use on each track. none of these songs seem too excessive or too spare. it's just right. every time. this album is an underrated classic. maybe in four or five years, people will realize how great this piece of work is.

1. the long winters- ultimatum ep:
to make a long story short, this ep has some of the best songs of john roderick's career. seriously. it even has a live version of "bride and bridle", which is my favorite song on when i pretend to fall.

get chased by the sandman on some apollo shit.

2005-12-12T05:47:00.000-08:00

i'm going to see mf doom tonight. some of you aren't lucky enough to be able to catch him on this tour [he's only doing like 6 or 7 cities... suckers], so of course i'm going to post a review. but not tonight when i get home. i only got like 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night. i'll definitely post a review tomorrow afternoon.

i haven't forgotten about list season. expect it in the late afternoon.

list season: top eight music videos of 2005.

2005-12-11T21:44:00.000-08:00

everyone knows about the music video. ever since mtv capitalized on artists making videos for their songs [which could or couldn't have started with the beatles and the monkees], the music video is nothing more than a commercial for an album. however, there are some artists and directors who creatively push the envelope with their videos, or just make them hillarious. here's my homage to my favorite music videos of 2005:

8. missy elliot featuring ciara and fatman scoop- "lose control":
this is on the list because my nieces and nephews go CRAZY when this song comes on. they dance their little asses off, and it's the most hillarious thing ever. my nephew even has this little spin move on the ground that he does when fatman scoop goes, "hit the floor! hit the floor!"

7. my chemical romance- "i'm not okay (i promise)":
everyone likes "helena" a little more, but i think the whole "pretty goth choreography at a funeral scene" is a little overdone. i like the "let's jack rushmore" idea a lot better. especially when mikey way kicks the mascot while it's down.

6. ashlee simpson- "boyfriend":
everyone knows i love this song. the video is a clincher because pedro sanchez is in it.

5. rhymefest featuring kanye west- "brand new":
'fest and 'ye ride motorcycles and everything in this computer-generated romp. the song is one of the best hip-hop singles i've heard all year.

4. the white stripes- "the denial twist":
the conan cutout was the icing on the cake.

3. the white stripes- "my doorbell":
the black kid that does his little dance towards the end was a great moment in television. plus, i really like the wardrobe and the entire classic feel of the video.

2. r. kelly- "trapped in the closet (parts 1-5)":
i know i wasn't the only one that spent the entire half-hour hanging onto every dialogue exchange. cathy is way too cute to go gay on, though. come on, rufus.

1. kanye west- "gold digger":
the two and a half minutes pass by so fast. even faster when you're checking out all of the pin-up-esque women.

list season: top ten quotes from bang bang rock and roll.

2005-12-10T20:21:00.000-08:00

bang bang rock and roll is a fucking great record. eddie agros is one of the wittiest lyricists in music today. some people call him a mark e. smith rip-off, but i don't listen to the fall. i wasted an entire summer quoting this entire album verbatim. with that said, here are my favorite ten quotes from the album:

10. "when i get off the plane, the first thing i'm going to do is strip naked to the waist and ride my harley davidson up and down sunset strip. i may even get a tattoo." [from "moving to l.a."]

9. "haven't read the nme in so long, i don't know which genre we belong." [from "bad weekend"]

8. "stop buying your albums at the supermarket" [from "formed a band"]

7. "i've seen her naked. twice. I'VE SEEN HER NAKED! TWICE!" [from "good weekend"]

6. "we're gonna write a song as universal as 'happy birthday' to let everyone know that it's gonna be okay. we're gonna take that song, and play it eight weeks in a row on top of the pops." [from "formed a band"]

5. "leave the light on! leave the light on! leave the light on, for me." [from "rusted guns of milan"]

4. "i can't stand the sound of the velvet underground. i can't stand the sound, second time around. once is enough! ONCE IS ENOUGH!" [from "bang bang rock and roll"]

3. "he couldn't get bus passes this time. just scooters. very fast scooters." [from "18,000 lira"]

2. "no more songs about sex and drugs and rock and roll. it's booooring." [from "bang bang rock and roll."]

1. "and yes; this is my singing voice. it's not irony. it's not rock and roll. we're just talking... to the kids." [from "formed a band"]

list season: top three senior citizens of 2005.

2005-12-09T07:29:00.000-08:00

the following old people have gone above and beyond their contributions to society, making some of the best music that anyone has ever heard. their influence is omnipresent in all of our favorite bands, and they're still kicking! but, everyone knows the world would be a much better place if lennon was still alive.

3. paul mccartney:
he turns 64 next year, but you probably already knew that. macca released a new album of material [produced by none other than "the sixth member of radiohead", nigel godrich], played live 8 and stole the show, and still is getting dissed by yoko. sir mccartney made the list soley for writing my favorite song of all-time: "hey jude".

2. david byrne:
everyone loves the talking heads. they're considered the second-best american band of all-time [number one being the velvet underground]. people say this year's breakout band claps their hands and says yeah just like the 'heads. my all-time favorite band named their band after one of his songs. and he still has time to catch all the hot new acts. there's only one person in this world who stops david byrne from being indie rock's christopher walken, and that is.....

1. david bowie:
who else is good enough to sing with north america's most creative band.. on CBS? seu jorge paid tribute to him by playing his songs in portugese on the life aquatic. and he still has time to catch a clap your hands and say yeah show. david bowie is the coolest old person in the world right now.

list season: top 5 beefs of 2005.

2005-12-08T21:51:00.000-08:00

a well-known poet named christopher wallace, better known as the greatest rapper of all time, defined beef as: "when your moms ain't safe up in the streets". these days, beef is just a marketing tool to promote both parties involved, in the hypermasculine bloodsport called the hip-hop industry. well, a new trend happened in 2004: white boys in eyeliner started to follow suit and start shit, too. in tribute, here are my five favorite personal conflicts of 2005:

5. bloc party vs. art brut:
i don't really know how this started: i think art brut's lead singer eddie agros said something about not liking bloc party. but i know how it ended: with eddie getting a boot in the head by bloc party's frontman kele okereke, and eddie saying kele "punches like a girl". i'm not taking sides. i like both bands.

4. the killers vs. fall out boy:
so, brandon flowers, being the primadonna he is, got jealous of all of the shine fall out boy were getting [they share an a&r rep at island records-- see also: bravery, the], and spewed out some nonsense in the media. the members of fall out boy responded with some insults or whatever, and the beef was promptly finished in one week, with brandon flowers admitting he likes the band. however, fall out boy did create a clever song title out of it: "you can't spell 'star' without a&r".

3. chamillionare vs. paul wall:
you know the story. they used to be boys, and now they're beefing. chamillionare gets them into the top three soley because of his loving nickname for paul's boy: "dyke jones".

2. the killers vs. the bravery:
brandon flowers' mouth had the most minutes of any player in 2005. early in the year, he said that bands like the bravery only exist because of the killers. which is an accurate statement, but coming from brandon flowers, it makes him seem like an asshole. the bravery responded by saying that picking on the killers is like "pushing a kid out of a wheelchair", and said the bassist looks like "a little dutch girl with a beard" [LOL @ both statements]. the beef kinda died down after a while, and that was that.

1. the game vs. 50 cent:
50 cent kicked game out of g-unit for "disloyalty" because game wouldn't get involved with 50's longstanding beef with fat joe and jadakiss [for being in ja rule's music video, like dude has a career left anyway]. then, 50 goes to the press and talks about how he wrote most of game's album. game releases approximately 32598234 diss tracks [the best of which being "120 bars", which was said to be his "final diss track", which has zingers like "my g-unot tattoo is a small move, because you lost 100 mil to a cartoon", referring to chicken little beating 50's awful movie on its first weekend], thus making 50 cent responsible for his entire career.. again.

fuck that beef shit. that shit is played out.

list season: bands i'm not cool enough to find out about on my own.

2005-12-07T23:34:00.000-08:00

the reason most normal people go to blogs is to find new music to listen to. i've discovered rarities and classic tracks from my favorite artists on a lot of my favorite blogs, but the biggest payoff comes when you take a chance and download a song from a band you've never heard of. bethanne over at clever titles are so last summer [see sidebar for link] is the most awesome person in the world when it comes to turning me on to bands in her local scene, which i probably never would have found on my own. so, here are my five favorite bands that i found about from reading other people's blogs.

5. doveman:
the perfect soundtrack for a comedown, or a lonely saturday night at a coffee shop, this band makes everything seem delicate and pristine. sometimes, that's really what a person needs.

4. jaymay:
the first time i heard "color confused", i sat motionless, hanging on to every word that permeated from this beautiful voice. "tragedy" proved that this young lady has a quirky side, too.

3. those transatlantics:
if it weren't for bethanne, i would not have known about one of the best pop groups i've heard in a long time. seriously. google these guys.

2. the arrogants:
i loved mazzy star. and so did you. not saying that this band is directly biting, but if mazzy star ever held a crown, the arrogants would inherit it.

1. clap your hands say yeah:
when i first heard about them on brooklyn vegan, i raised an eyebrow, and said, "what an awful name!" taking a chance, i downloaded "in this home on ice". it's one of the best songs i've heard all year. downloaded the album, and it's completely solid. a pleasant surprise.

list season: top 10 albums i hope are good in 2006.

2005-12-06T23:45:00.000-08:00

2006 is right around the corner, so it's time to start thinking about the best albums of next year. we all know that a band is going to come out of nowhere and end up on everybody's shit [fresh cherries from yakima, perhaps?], but this is dedicated to the bands/artists who we all know and love that are releasing music next year.

10. yeah yeah yeahs- coco beware:
a concept album about the life of a cat that karen found? i'm glad that fame hasn't stifled the weirdness of my favorite art-punk heroes.

9. flaming lips- at war with the mystics:
yoshimi battles the pink robots was an okay album, and from what i heard about "mr. ambulance driver", the song wasn't that good. let's hope wayne coyne and company knock this one out of the park.

8. ghostface killah- fish scale:
wu-tang clan is my favorite rap group of all time. ghostface killah is not only my favorite out of the group, but he has the most consistent solo discography of the group. i have no doubt that this album is going to be another classic.

7. bloc party-
if everything goes according to plan, bloc party will release their sophmore record next year. i, for one, hope it's anywhere near as good as silent alarm.

6. madvillain- madvillainy 2:
in 2004, my favorite rapper teamed with madlib to create one of the best hip-hop records of all time. according to metalface, it's already about halfway done.

5. raekwon- only built 4 cuban linx part two:
the first one is my favorite hip-hop album of all time, and far and away, rae's best solo album [even though it's not really solo, it's more like a album-length collaboration between him and ghost]. i heard "state of grace", and regular readers know i've been raving about it. hip-hop needs another classic.

4. the walkmen-
for a group that comes out with good albums as consistenly as the walkmen [not to mention a band that has their own sound], album number three should be just as good, if not better than their other two. it could be the walkmen's ok computer.

3. the arcade fire-
funeral was like a smart-bomb that dropped into indie music in 2004, abruptly garnering praise from everywhere. it's undeniably the best album of that calendar year, so of course i'm rooting for win, regine and the crew to make another classic.

2. the shins-
james mercer is shaping to become one of america's most acclaimed songwriters, and his band has already been touted as "the r.e.m. of the blogging generation". i've been salivating at the thought of new material this year. i'm sure you have been, too. the shins have changed all of our lives; don't try to deny it.

1. tie: radiohead and tv on the radio-
my two favorite bands have been spending lots of time in the studio. i can't say much more than "HURRY UP! I NEED THIS SHIT. NEED IT!" i've never needed new music as desperately as from these two bands.

list season: the most anticiapted, yet underwhelming albums of 2005.

2005-12-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

anticipation is a motherfucker. carly simon sang about it [i have her greatest hits cd, don't act like you're too good for carly], and it hasn't gotten much better since then. sometimes, people surpass our expectations, confound them, or totally disappoint us. the following list [in no particular order] are the albums that we were waiting on the edge of our seats for, but were slightly or totally let down by:

franz ferdinand- you can have it so much better... with franz ferdinand:
although the boys took a departure from the exhillarating whimsy of their debut album with the inclusion of two ballads [and arguably two of the best songs in their catalog, "eleanor, put your boots on" and "fade together"], they still had the feeling with energetic and raw songs such as "evil and a heathen" [which i still think they should have kept the title "heathen andy" for, but that's just me]. they also played with tempo a lot the record, with "well, that was easy" [my favorite track on the album, with the classic line: "i used to lock myself in your bathroom/swallowing the codiene kept in your bag"] and "i'm your villian". it's like a girl you used to have a crush on: she's really cute, but there's something about her that doesn't make you want to wake up next to her every morning. maybe a couple times a week, but not every morning. but that's what makes franz ferdinand so appealing. even on a slightly disappointing outing, i'd still rather listen to them than the killers.

weezer- make believe:
unanimously named as the most abysmal record of their career, rivers' songwriting well has run dry. most of this stuff is alt-fluff, but mr. cuomo does let his talent shine through on the last track: a piano ballad called "haunt you every day". "we are all on drugs" is a song that would fit well on the slightly less-disappointing green album, but "beverly hills" is utter shit, and the rest of the songs on this album are forgettable at their top-dollar best.

coldplay- x & y:
when this first came out, my best friend tiffany called this "the best album ever". she also likes john mayer, so i've known not to take her word for things. i downloaded the album, thought it was pretty good, and decided to buy it [on an impulse buy at starbucks of all places]. then, i listened to it, and the flaws came out. it's not that coldplay is a bad band; they're just undeniably boring. there's no tension or edge on any coldplay album, so you should take it at face value: good music to put on while having sex with white girls. there are some good coldplay moments, though: "fix you", "the hardest part", and the chorus of "what if" would have fit perfectly on parachutes, and if they were included, it would have been my favorite coldplay album for more reasons than right now.

the white stripes- get behind me satan:
this album is underwhelming in the same way that hail to the thief is underwhelming to most radiohead fans. it's still better than most bands' best efforts, but you get the feeling that these aren't the best collection of jack white's songs. to me, it's just not an obsession like the first time i heard de stijl, but i do have to say that this is the most adventurous collection of white stripes songs to date, if only for the major role the piano plays on this album. and i give props to any band that can pull off a chorus in 11/4 time [see: "take, take, take"]. oh, and "instinct blues" would fit comfortably on any white stripes album. that's always a plus.

list season: top three defunct bands i discovered in 2005.

2005-12-04T15:36:00.000-08:00

i'm not sure that all of you know my past life. before about september of 2003, i had been listening exclusively to rap music since 1997. before that, i was known as "the black kid who listened to alt-rock", and i foolishly wanted to validate my "blackness" to everyone else in the world. so, while all of you caught the strokes at the beginning of their insurmountable hype, i was bumping my brand new copy of the redman/method man album. i'm a lot more well-rounded, now, and i've been playing catch-up like a motherfucker. in 2004, i witnessed the greatness of my second favorite band of all-time [neutral milk hotel], and DESPERATELY wished i was around the first time. here are my three favorite bands that aren't around anymore that i just found out about this year. i hope this doesn't hurt my "indie-cred".

3. husker du:
the prototype for bands like green day, with guitars that could cut through glass and melodies that are usually reserved for those intimate moments in the shower. black francis, of a band i discovered in 2004, had this to say about the band: "when i started the pixies, i only owned five records, and three of them were from husker du."

my favorite: "she floated away"

2. pavement:
once touted as a "fall rip-off", steven malkmus became the most important songwriter of the 90's with his intensely witty view of life. also spearheaded one of the greatest beefs of the same decade when he called out stone temple pilots and [more famously] smashing pumpkins in "range life" from seminal album crooked rain, crooked rain. go through pavement's discography, and you'll find one of the most versatile musical collections in music.

my favorites: "major leagues", the vocal take of "5-4= unity"

1. the smiths:
there's not enough that can be said about morrissey, whom i place as the world's greatest living songwriter. coupled with one of my favorite guitar players of all-time, johnny marr, he could do no harm. he's singlehandedly the reason why i started reading oscar wilde, and i cite him as a lyrical influence on my own work.

my favorites: "ask", "frankly, mr. shankly"

list season: top five ep's of 2005.

2005-12-03T19:33:00.000-08:00

extended-play singles are such teasers. either they're outtakes of a wonderful album, or they're meant to be a completely different thought from a full-length. but most of the time, they just build up more anticipation for the next full-length. sometimes, not. but this is the list, celebrating the top releases that are too long to be singles and too short to be full-length albums.

5. iron & wine with calexico- in the reins:
out of all the artists on this list, sam beam has, far and away, the best ep catalogue of any of them. this particular release sees him teaming up with southwestern stalwarts calexico to drastically change a few of his unreleased gems.
essential track: "16, maybe less".

4. the long winters- ultimatum:
for all of the people who enjoyed when i pretend to fall, myself included, that wondered what would happen if john roderick wrote the perfect song: the title track is your answer. the live tracks on this ep aren't really necessary, but welcome, just the same.
essential track: "ultimatum"

3. wolf parade- wolf parade:
pretty much a teaser for one of the best albums of 2005, i shouldn't have to tell you how good this shit is.
essential track: "you are a runner and i am my father's son"

2. okkervil river- black sheep boy appendix:
a great companion piece to one of the best albums [THE best?] of 2005, you'd expect these tracks to be throwaways. too bad you couldn't be any more wrong.
essential track: "another radio song"

1. iron & wine- woman king:
a concept ep in its own right, sam beam created the first great release of 2005 [yeah, it came out in like january, i think] with his tales of biblical heroines and anti-heroines. i heard "my lady's house" in starbucks, but please don't hold that against him.
essential track: "jezebel"

list season: bethanne has to chime in!

2005-12-02T12:32:00.000-08:00

I have to give my list of guilty pleasures since Mr. Douglas already gave his. Since he gave five, I'll give five:

5. America's Next Top Model

I live for catfights. I live for bitchy remarks. And I lap it all up because like some people, I'm a sucker for this shit. I watch it twice a week on UPN and ALWAYS catch the reruns of past episodes on VH1. And yes kids, I miss Janice Dickinson on this show because she is my hero when it comes to "faking it until you make it" (though I have not lived the life she has, but she rules. Don't hate.)

4. My Chemical Romance - Helena

Yes. Like Douglas said, I make fun of Gerald Way and Co. every chance I get, but even I have to admit that this song is genius. It's goth-pop at its' finest and I never get sick of listening to it. Also, the video is pretty damn cool as well. I hate to make fun of it, but given that it's the only MCR song I like, I'll secretly smile when the video - or the song - plays.

3. Spice World

Yes, I love this movie. I own it on VHS. You got a problem?

2. Mike Jones

Again, I may make fun of Mike Jones, but I can't get Still Tippin' out of my head (and off my default ringtone) and Back Then has that roller rink charm with the samples and the cheesy lyrics about ho's and Mike Jones cell phone number? (It's true. Douglas and I need to get him on three-way calling. For reals.) But it's all good, no matter how much of a chicken Mike Jones is, he's an okay rapper and an alright producer. And I like his stuff.

1. 50 Cent - Get Rich Or Die Tryin' (album)

That's right. The debut album, not the shitty movie (and soundtrack) of the same name. There's some good gems on there, but I still cringe when 50 has to use hateful language and it just makes me want to wash his mouth out with soap and apologize to the people he hurts. So what's my favorite song on there? "Patiently Waiting" and of course, "Wanksta" and "In Da Club". If only his follow-up effort wasn't so focused with getting the ladies in a twist and was just straight up, ghetto.

list season: guilty pleasures.

2005-12-02T00:53:00.000-08:00

guilty pleasures are like assholes; everyone has one and most of us keep them in our pants. metaphorically speaking, that is. everyone tries so hard to hold on to the slippery concept known as "cool", that we hide our guilty pleasures in our closets underneath the clothes we forget to donate to the salvation army. well, being the type of person i am [apathetic towards all opinions about me], using the term "guilty pleasure" would imply that i actually have something to hide. if you know me well, you knew these things already. but for the rest of you, here are my top five guilty pleasures of 2005, and i'm using the term very loosely.

5. date my mom.
although i will wholeheartedly admit that i'm so emasculated that it's not funny, guys aren't supposed to watch shows like these and enjoy them as much as i do. however, everyone loves an awkward moment, and when you have to choose a girl exclusively from the impression her mother makes on you, awkward moments are bountiful. a prime example is when a mother, without being pressed or even questioned, stated that her husband has a fourteen-inch penis. throw the occasional curveball like twins and lesbians, and you have a cult classic.

p.s. when bethanne and i first met, we would watch the show while im'ing each other. those were the good old days.

4. the wedding date:
i watched it with my sister. i watched it with my best friend jennifer on thanksgiving. i loved it both times, but don't tell anyone.

3. coldplay:
their music is so abashedly boring that there should be laws against playing it while driving. their frontman has the self-esteem of a 40-year-old comic book store clerk. however, i bought a rush of blood to the head, and i bought x & y. singing the falsetto on "fix you" provided some of the most life-affirming showers of the year.

2. "(i didn't steal your) boyfriend":
i've liked it since the first time i heard it, and i still can't get tired of singing along: "whoa-oh, whoa-oh, don't you bring me down.." those whoa-oh's are the best thing that's ever happened to utterly disposable bubblegum pop.

1. fall out boy:
along with my chemical romance, the game, and 50 cent, bethanne uses every waking moment mocking these guys. however, there are some things about this band that makes them slightly better than any other pop-punk band i've ever heard. "sugar, we're going down" has one of the best hooks i've heard all year, and everytime i've heard the song, i've loved scream-singing along. they have more clever song titles than your average band, and probably have more consistently clever song titles than anyone in music except for sufjan stevens. i saw them perform on the vma pre-show, and they have too much charisma/energy for their own good. plus, they're named after millhouse's superhero alter-ego. anyone who can reference millhouse is cool in my book.

list season: the cool kids table.

2005-12-01T00:16:00.000-08:00

year-end lists are a tricky breed. some are informative and entertaining; others are errorenous and frustrating. however, most journalists make them, and most people read them anyway. as a satire of music journalism [which, let's face it, since i'm a musician, that's the entire basis of this blog, anyway], i am, just as promised, going to make a list in retrospective of 2005, EVERY DAY THIS MONTH.

today's list is on the slippery subject of "cool".

the word "cool" has meant a lot of things to a lot of different people over the years. when you think "cool", you immediately think of james dean or arthur fonzerelli. however, in the day and age of seth cohen, "cool" has changed lifeforms. no longer is it the alpha male that every man wishes he were, and every woman wishes she were with [or vice versa]. in the postmodern national pastime of irony, the only way to be cool is to be as explicitly uncool as possible. and being uncool is actually really punk rock. without further adieu, armchair novelist's "cool kids table of 2005":

10. julian casablancas:
like i stated about his inclusion on the nme cool list, he didn't do anything this year. well, he actually really did do things. he recorded the strokes' third album [which, from what i hear will be much like the other two, which is not a big deal. bloggers just like to complain for the sake of complaining. they complain when you make a drastic change in music, and they complain when you don't change at all], went on a couple of secret tours, and got married. getting married should have cool points deducted, but the fact that his vocals are just as slurry, julian has nothing to worry about.

9. liam gallagher:
he helped write oasis's best album in ten years. he went on a mega-huge world tour with his brother. he seemingly goes through music magazines with a highlighter to find a new band to talk shit about. the last point kinda makes him seem like a prick, but liam gallagher's just being honest. and honesty, my friends, is very cool.

8. jack white:
although he does a lot of uncool things [rants about radio station balloons, hates rap], jack white counteracts those with some of the coolest things that any musician has ever done [released his fifth-straight masterpiece; appeared on conan for a full week; got married. to a supermodel. on a boat. with a baby alligator; and knocked up his wife within three months of their marriage]. plus, like him or hate him, jack white is one of the most artistically relevant musicians in the world today.

7. sufjan stevens:
released what many people believe to be the album of the year [close, but not quite, i say]. is continuing work on his absurdly ambitious "50 states project" [i hear oregon's next and vermont might be an ep]. played five consecutive sold-out shows in new york with a different theme every night [my favorite being the one where he dressed as evel kinevel-- a little help with what night that was, please?], proving that with his sometimes overtly-serious music, sufjan really does have a sense of humor. and not many secular indie artists claim to be devout christians, which scores him points for the disregard of other people's opinion.

6. ryan adams:
although he had ANOTHER injury and had to cancel shows, ryan adams is this year's most prolific artist, releasing three very good albums in 2005, unseating the ridiculously-prolific mf doom, who only put out one album this year. that means he's put out more good albums this year than the past three years [for the record, the only good album he's put out in a while before these three was love is hell]. erratic behavior has been kept to a minimum, and people actually like ryan this year.

5. devendra banhart:
released the best album of his career, with a song about having chinese children-- EVEN IF HE LIVED IN RUSSIA. with at least three songs sung exclusively in spanish [including my favorite non-english song of all-time, "in niel"]. and most notably, with a song sung from the perspective of either micheal jackson or oscar wilde, "little boys".

4. jenny lewis:
spent the whole year getting more shine than her bandmates in rilo kiley, working on her solo debut [which ensures her spot on this list next year due to its 2006 release date], and remaining the most goregous woman in alternative music.

3. owen pallett:
because he spent the entire year in relative obscurity although he made one of the year's best albums. that's the textbook definition of "keeping it cool". and he does a MEAN cover of bloc party's "this modern love".

2. colin meloy:
from my inclusion of the decemberists as the top band in america:

[arguably] america's best songwriter started off the year with a well-recieved solo tour with an outstanding morrissey covers ep, that's not only probably selling for ghastly amounts on e-bay, but further heightened his legendary obsession with [arguably] the world's best living songwriter. in march, he and his troop of vagabonds came to seattle and put on one of the best shows i've ever seen in my life [with people singing along to the then-unreleased album, which wouldn't be out for another four days]. our hero released the album, traveled the world, brought paper whales on stage, and covered fleetwood mac with death cab for cutie in new york. colin meloy should be having the best year of his life.

the sheer fact that he could kick anyone's ass in scrabble on his worst day is a good enough reason.

1. mf doom:
for the sheer fact that he had the entire independent music scene twitching in anticipation for his critically-acclaimed collaboration with danger mouse. only good old metalface can have cartoon characters all over his album and still have it sound cooler than any other rapper that would even think about trying it. and even though the mask ain't brand spanking new ["what happened," you ask? it got rusted from drankin' all the brew], doom is still cooler than your five favorite rappers combined, for the same reason colin meloy is the coolest indie rocker in the world today: the coolest thing you could possibly do is be uncool.

"as long as you owe me, you won't get a damn thing, sir."

2005-11-29T21:02:00.000-08:00

"state of grace" by raekwon is, far and away, the best rap song i've heard all year. this makes me REALLY excited for only built 4 cuban linx part two. as many of you know, the first installment of cuban linx is my all-time favorite rap record. let's hope the rest of the album is this amazing.

i was wrong.

2005-11-28T19:34:00.000-08:00

i only admit being wrong for self-gratifying purposes:

i was in the car on the way to work this morning, and i hear a really great punk song. it sounded as though it was from the early eighties or something. then, i listen to the chorus:

"i bet that you look good on the danceflooooooor..."

no fucking way. i was wrong about these guys. then, i listened to more songs, and realized that i was making a premature reaction to all the hype they had been recieving. my bad.

mike jones gets punk'd!

2005-11-27T19:18:00.000-08:00

Nothing's better than watching people like Mike Jones get punk'd. I've decided to live-blog this for you guys in all its' glory.

10:11 PM: "This rapper started his career by writing songs for strippers." Uh duh!
10:12 PM: The punk starts. All Mike Jones is doing is laughing and chilling with his buddies. In an Escalade.
10:13 PM: An angry driver complains that the Escalade is in his way.
10:13 PM: Mike Jones gets into a minor disagreement
10:14 PM: A kid slams his bike into the Escalade, flies over the hood, Mike Jones freaks out.
10:14 PM: MIKE JONES RUNS AWAY! "MIKE COME BACK!"
10:15 PM: Mike comes back to the scene, is questioned by police. "It's some suburban kids!" Cops argue with Mike and the angry driver
10:15 PM: "Man, that bullshit! He lyin!"
10:16 PM: Mike Jones admits that he doesn't drink. Suuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrreeeee.
10:16 PM: Angry driver gets arrested, Mike Jones still bitchin' about the incident.
10:17 PM: Ashton shows up: "Why'd you take off runnin'?"
10:17 PM: Mike Jones admits he got punk'd. Bethanne cries because this punk was lame. Besides seeing how much of a wuss Mike Jones really is.

live review: the long winters [featuring ghost stories and slender means]; the crocodile cafe; friday, november 25, 2005.

2005-11-26T14:15:00.000-08:00

i could have sworn that the show started at nine, so i get to the croc at about 8:50, and there were people standing in line. this being my first time at this particular venue, i just decided to do as the romans. a good-looking young woman asks noone in particular, "is this the line to get in?" "i have no idea," i replied.

finally, we were let in, and i promptly headed towards the merch booth, where i ritualistically buy a couple of buttons [it's tradition: i've done it for every show i've been to]. a clean-shaven john roderick was peddling his own merch, and so was sonny votolato, the guitarist for slender means. i gave them both a copy of the north caroline ep as a present, and they both thanked me sincerely, which was really unexpected but very flattering.

after about a half-hour, ghost stories took the stage. they played their first number, which was a slower piece for the audience to get their toes wet to. from that very first song, i was hooked. i suppose i'm just a sucker for indie-pop bands, but everything about their set was top-notch. the boy-boy-girl harmonies, the instrumentation, the fast-slow-fast-slow pace of the set; everything. if i had to give them a comparison, they reminded me of the comas. plus, the multi-instrumentalist had this keyboard that had a mouthpiece. a keyboard.... with a mouthpiece! i wish i knew the correct name for it, because i want one. i tried to google the band, but nothing comes up about them. they have no website, no myspace [trust me, i looked there, too, and the ghost stories that they had was like a screamo band], just a lasting impression on my brain. someone please give that band a record deal. UPDATE: here it is: http://www.myspace.com/gstories

slender means took the stage shortly after setting up, and you can tell that the young kids [well, young as in "early 20's", due to the fact the show was 21+] were there to see them. they had a really nice following of pretty young women and their boyfriends. oh yeah.. music. i almost forgot. slender means sounded very tight and professional at the show. you'd think that they had a major-label deal or something. as far as the sound, if i had to make a comparison, i'd have to bring up the cars. slender means is going to be big. you heard it here first.

as the clock struck midnight, the guitarist for the long winters comes onstage, and starts playing a riff. then, the drummer comes out and brings the beat in. the bassist joins the duo, and they all play whatever they're playing. then, a tall figure struts onstage. it's john roderick. IN. A. FUCKING. CAPE. priceless! they jump into the first song [and i'm not intensely familiar with their catalog, so i couldn't name it for you if i tried].

let me tell you something: john roderick is the king of onstage banter. "so, we have a new ep out. we really wanted to do a full-length album but the label wouldn't let us, because that's not 'indie', so we came out with an ep."

a heckler shouts, "and you didn't have enough songs!"

"AND.. we didn't have enough songs."

i would post some of the night's best quotes, but there were so many, that i wouldn't know where to start. like, seriously. i'm drawing a blank, but take my word for it. oh, and if you ever want to have john roderick explain to you why the long winters don't do encores, ask him. it's very complicated.

seeing the long winters is like going to your best friend's college dorm for the weekend. the only people you know out of everyone is them, but they do everything they can to make everyone feel like part of the party. it wasn't like they were the most technically-proficient live act ever, but i'll be damned if i had more fun at another show. sometimes, that's what a great live act is all about.

set highlights: "cinnamon", john's solo acoustic version of "ultimatum", and the two songs from the long winters' forthcoming album. EVERYONE shouting along to the chorus of "the sound of coming down" ["you know noooobody's chasin' us..."] and john's banter in general.

her skin is cinnamon.

2005-11-26T11:55:00.000-08:00

i just woke up. i didn't get home from the long winters show until about 2am. expect a full-review [no pics, sorry] when i get home from work. until then, here are some spoilers:

+ john roderick's wit is legendary, and his onstage banter rivals bob pollard's as the greatest of all time.

+ the good-looking kids all came to see slender means.

+ if it weren't for john roderick's charisma, amazingly strong voice, and overall ability to keep the crowd in the palm of his hand [oh, did i mention his banter?], ghost stories would have been, without question, the best band of the night.

see you all in a few hours.

the nme's cool list. not very cool.

2005-11-22T19:54:00.000-08:00

http://xfm.co.uk/Article.asp?b=news&id=146582

today, the nme put out their annual "cool list". names like pete doherty, brandon flowers, and a cornucopia of british [and american] musicians that i've never fucking heard of, are all on the list. here are some of my thoughts about the top 20 artists on this list.

number one. alex turner from the arctic monkeys:
[i still don't know what all the fuss is about over this band. i must be a hater, because i don't hear the greatness. i hear a bunch of libertines covers.]

number two. liam gallagher of oasis:
[his grumpiness and shit-talking is legendary. i don't necessarily agree with everything he says, like his views on bloc party, my favorite british band SINCE oasis. but we need more rock stars like liam gallagher. rock stars who aren't afraid to say whatever the fuck they feel.]

number three. kanye west:
[ummm.. i can't say enough that kanye's coolness is overrated. he's an ambitious artist, but there's nothing cool about pretentiousness, unless you're liam gallagher.]

number five. brandon flowers:
[he's not really that cool. he started a beef with the bravery, and then had the gall to say that they started it. sure, he wears eyeliner and dior jackets. but, he's just a boring dude trying to be a rock staar.]

number six. devendra banhart:
[finally. someone who really is cool.]

number seven. pete doherty:
[he's a creative dude, but self-destruction isn't cool. it worked with kurt, but pete isn't as much of a genius.]

number nine. bob dylan:
[of course he's fucking cool, but this is common knowledge. you don't need to put him on a list. saying "bob dylan is number nine on this list" is like saying "pete doherty is cooler than jesus." blasphemy.]

number fourteen. julian casablancas:
[sure he's cool. but he didn't do anything this year. he's really fucking cool, though. i guess he deserves to be on the list.]

the rest of them, i don't either know about [the only things i know about the girl from be your own pet is that she's like 18 and she's HOT], or didn't care to speak on [billie joe armstrong and gerard way, here's looking at you]. for the most part, the list didn't do anything for me. maybe next year. maybe next year.

game gets dropped!

2005-11-22T15:05:00.000-08:00

http://prefixmag.typepad.com/prefixmag_blog/2005/11/rumor_dr_dre_dr.html

douglas: so, dr. dre is rumored to have dropped the game.
bethanne: haha. no way!
bethanne: that's because the game probably got hit on
douglas: angie martinez [a dj on the insanely popular hot 97 radio station in new york] is the one that said it on the radio.
bethanne: damn
bethanne: i'll be on watch for MTV's news and see if they bring it up. haha
douglas: haha; good idea.
bethanne: totally
douglas: damn. the game is having the worst year ever. i kinda feel sorry for him.
bethanne: dude, he tattooed a TEAR and a BUTTERFLY on his face
douglas: the tear is a gang-related symbol. the butterfly is unjustifyable, though.
bethanne: oh really?
bethanne: i didn't know that about the tear
douglas: yes. it really is.
douglas: i can name about four or five rappers who have them.
douglas: plus, i've seen gang members with them.
bethanne: okay, i can forgive the tear
bethanne: but the butterfly?
bethanne: i mean, shit, i have a butterfly too
bethanne: but i'm a girl
douglas: true.
bethanne: girls are allowed butterflies
bethanne: see, this is why i was rooting for karamo from real world philly in his knife fight with the game
douglas: hahahaha..
bethanne: at least he has balls to admit "yeah, i'm a thug and i like cock!"

brrrrr... long winters.

2005-11-21T15:46:00.000-08:00

i'm going to see the long winters on friday.
expect a review on like saturday night or something.
maybe sunday night. it depends.

i can't stand the sight of a motherfuckin' tattle: such a waste of life.

2005-11-18T01:46:00.000-08:00

(photo courtesy of the fresh cherries from yakima myspace site: another shameless plug.)

i just wanted to get everyone excited for the month of december, where i will be doing a month-long year-end special, where i will post a list every day. but don't tell anyone. it's a surprise.

the 40 best bands in america: armchair novelist edit.

2005-11-16T23:52:00.000-08:00

http://www.informationleafblower.com/blog

so, the big news of the day is how information leafblower made their second-annual "top 40 bands in america" list. i suppose this list is going for quality instead of who is REALLY at top, because if that were the case, we'd have bands like goddamn nickelback on the list. most of my favorite blogs were invited to send their top-ten lists, and since i'm an unknown in the blogging community, i thought it would be appropriate to make my own top-ten.

also, in an event suitable only for the scourge of the internets known as "the armchair novelist", i am going edit information leafblower's top-40 list. i'm not going to change anything around, you anti-revisionists; i'm just going to add my opinions.

armchair's top-ten american bands for 2005:
(no worries: fresh cherries from yakima is nowhere on this list)

one. the decemberists:
[arguably] america's best songwriter started off the year with a well-recieved solo tour with an outstanding morrissey covers ep, that's not only probably selling for ghastly amounts on e-bay, but further heightened his legendary obsession with [arguably] the world's best living songwriter. in march, he and his troop of vagabonds came to seattle and put on one of the best shows i've ever seen in my life [with people singing along to the then-unreleased album, which wouldn't be out for another four days]. our hero released the album, traveled the world, brought paper whales on stage, and covered fleetwood mac with death cab for cutie in new york. colin meloy should be having the best year of his life.

two. death cab for cutie.
released their major-label-debut, and got in the top five. say what you want about ben gibbard, but for a seattle boy like me, death cab for cutie getting the credit they deserve is like the seattle seahawks winning the superbowl. although plans is not their best work [like i've said before; it's not their worst, either], if transatlanticism is the album that got them to the big dance, plans is the album that will turn them into future prom kings.

three. clap your hands say yeah.
i first heard about this band from brooklyn vegan, and from there, the hype was a big mushroom cloud. they self-released one of the best albums of the year, and has a direct distribution deal in america [no label, bitches]. they get more shine than the band they're opening for. and after what should be called "overexposure", they're still riding the wave all the way to the bank [they make $8 off of every album sold, bitches]. plus, "in this home on ice" is the frontrunner for song of the year.

four. bright eyes.
now, although you can't put the words "conor oberst" without putting "pretentious" in the same sentence, with i'm wide awake, it's morning, the boy done good. he actually caught up to the massive amounts of potential that critics were gassing him up with. if he learns how to get off of his soapbox and stops preaching to the choir about the ills of society, and focuses on writing songs as fucking good as "landlocked blues" and "lua", then all of those "next-bob dylan" claims will have a little merit.

five. mf doom.
[arguably] the world's best rapper, known for being notoriously prolific, hasn't let us down in 2005. although he [only] came out with one album this year, and he jumped in bed with a major corporation to do so, it's still [without question] the year's best rap album. what else did he do this year? he hopped on a sped-up soul sample, and became one of the only known people in the world who can absolutely BURN rza on his own beat. that's right, my favorite rapper still has the game sewn up like thread and bobbin' bonus pack.

six. sufjan stevens.
in the second-installment of his absurdly ambitious "50 states project", he created what a vast majority of critics are calling the best album of 2005. sufjan effortlessly balances emotion [the "oh my god" in "john wayne gacy jr.'], sincerity ["chicago"] and humor [his five-night stand in new york city, where each night had a different theme] unlike any other songwriter of this generation. sufjan will undoubtedly go down as the definitive singer/songwriter of this decade.

seven. iron & wine.
both of his full-length albums are critically heralded. all of his ep's [especially the two he released this year] are the most impressive run of non-album material this side of NOBODY. only kyp malone from tv on the radio has a more impressive beard. and he's the father of two young girls. you fucking wish your dad was this cool. not even MY dad is that cool, and my dad looks like jay-z.

eight. kanye west.
hate him or love him, sometime this year-- before or after the now-classic george bush rant [us black people have been saying georgie doesn't care about us for like six years, now. it's not exactly a shock], before or after he paid two million dollars to make his sophomore album, before or after his tantrum at the american music awards [and subsequent... and predictable.. redemption at the grammy's]-- kanye west unseated eminem as the world's biggest rapper. if only for that reason, he gets applause from me.

nine. devendra banhart.
with cripple crow, devendra steps out of the stupidly-named "freak-folk"genre, and becomes an acclaimed songwriter. this effort is easily the most expansive record of his career, creatively as well as musically. plus, his backing band's name is "hairy fairy". oh, and he has the third-most impressive beard in indie-rock.

ten. okkervil river.
they opened for the decemberists in the spring, made what is more than likely the best record of 2005, and not much else. let the music speak for itself.

honorable mention: tv on the radio, ryan adams.

armchair's edit of the top-40 bands in america:

one. sufjan stevens. [deserves to be here. 'nuff said.]

two. the national. [should be lower, just because their opening band upstages them on a nightly basis. i know it's the hype's fault, but if the national had album of the year, they wouldn't have this problem.]

three. kanye west. [should be on the list, but not so high. way to blow up his ego. like he needed it or something.]

four. lcd soundsystem [don't care for them. don't see what the fuss is about.]

five. sleater-kinney. [finally getting the respect they deserve. the new album's overrated, though. my sister, who almost exclusively listens to r&b, really likes "jumpers", though.]

six. the hold steady. [sorta like harvey danger, but the singer doesn't sing. so, it's like harvey danger meets art brut. they're okay.]

seven. green day. [they made the most artistically ambitious album of their career, and they got rewarded heavily for it. american idiot is the only green day album i actually like.]

eight. the fiery furnaces. [UNDOUBTEDLY, the most polarizing band of our generation. you either love them or you hate them. noone says, "fiery furnaces? they're aiight, but nothing special." me? i can't stand their music. that's just one man's opinion, though.]

nine. the decemberists. [my number one. my second-favorite band of all time.]

ten. spoon. [britt daniel is one of the most underrated songwriters in music today. "i turn my camera on" is easily one of the best songs of 2005.]

eleven. the mountain goats. [john darnielle is one of the only living american songwriters that will put on equal billing as colin meloy, and that's saying A LOT.]

twelve. my morning jacket. [don't love them, don't hate them. they're okay.]

thirteen. fiona apple. [definitely the comeback kid of 2005. give her a game ball.]

fourteen. rogue wave. [they're not a knockoff shins like people think, but they're also certainly not as good.]

fifteen. bright eyes. [i've said enough about conor. i really like dude's songs, though.]

sixteen. kelly clarkson. [double-u, tee, eff? seriously. someone's got some explaining to do. i think her indie-cred is due in whole to hipsters' obsession with irony.]

seventeen. death cab for cutie. [fuck backlash. i still love them.]

eighteen. animal collective. ["who could win a rabbit" > feels as a whole.]

nineteen. ryan adams. [mark my words. 29 is going to be the best record of his career. even better than heartbreaker.]

twenty. crooked fingers. [i can't say anything, because i've never heard a crooked fingers song.]

twenty-one. kings of leon. [my friend ryan saw them when they opened for u2, and said they are amazing live. i really like "taper jean girl."]

twenty-two. we are scientists. [meh, they're late-comers into the genre.]

twenty-three. devendra banhart. [should have been higher. i guess there's no demand in america for spanish folk songs like "in niel". it's my favorite off the album.]

twenty-four. okkervil river. [golly, they're good.]

twenty-five. mf doom. [in an alternate universe, mf doom would be where kanye is on this list.]

twenty-six. gwen stefani. [i used to have a crush on her in 7th grade. i'm so over it.]

twenty-seven. andrew bird. [he's the most amazing whistler i've ever heard.]

twenty-eight. black keys. [did they do anything this year? oh well, they're good.]

twenty-nine. someone still loves you boris yeltsin [i've heard of them, but haven't heard them. blogs, you have forsaken me.]

thirty. two gallants. [they're good enough to be on saddle creek. then again, so is criteria.]

thirty-one. american analog set. [another band i've heard of, but haven't heard. oh well. something tells me i'm not missing much.]

thirty-two. sunno))) [something tells me i don't want to hear of these guys.]

thirty-three. the juan mclean. [not really my thing; that's all.]

thirty-four. giant drag. [i've heard one song. and it's prety good. i know better bands that should be on this list.]

thirty-five. iron & wine. [he's had more and better releases this year than a lot of people. it's a fucking crime sam beam's not higher on this list.]

thirty-six. wilco. [they didn't do much this year, but still should be higher.]

thirty-seven. antony and the johnsons. [i'm not really into the band.]

thirty-eight. out hud. [meh...]

thirty-nine. john vanderslice. [one of the better songwriters on this list, but still comes in lower than both kelly clarkson and gwen stefani.]

fourty. explosions in the sky. [double meh..]

o, danielle.

2005-11-15T21:18:00.000-08:00

now, everyone who reads the armchair novelist knows that i don't regularly champion bands/artists; deconstructing popular culture is more my forte. however, last night, i was checking my myspace account for fresh cherries from yakima [shameless plug: http://www.myspace.com/freshcherriesfromyakima], and i had a friend request from a young lady that makes music. i went to the site, and her music was so fucking good that i was amazed that i had never heard of her.

this is from her myspace site:

Danielle Stech Homsy was born into visions and questions. With a gay Syrian painter and a Ukrainian flamenco dancer for parents, peculiar circumstance and mysterious blessings were the norm, laying the foundation for the peculiar and mysterious artistic expression that would eventually come. Danielle's songwriting reflects a vast scope of influence from techno to traditional folk to early and contemporary classical, drawing on literature as well as music, from ancient to avant, and incorporating elements of chance. Her crystalline vocals, delicately strummed baritone ukulele and found sonic elements evoke the strange delight of a dream where the dreamer's authority is always in question. In her own words, it is "music that wants to listen as much as be heard." Danielle has performed and recorded with a variety of artists, including Tim Fite, Devendra Banhart, CocoRosie, Larry Yes, and the Art of Flying. She is a part of the French/International collective the Black and White Skins, and her song "Everyone is Someone's" was released this year on a compilation of the same title. Her album A Bride's Guide to Waiting Music (purchase on website) is an art object inside and out. It is not to be missed.

my advice to you all is go to her myspace site, listen to "tiger trap" and "everyone is someone's" [fuck it, listen to everything, but those two are my favorites] put her on your blog, and PLEASE DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO MAKE THIS WOMAN FAMOUS! if anyone deserves it, it's her. http://www.myspace.com/daniellestechhomsy

p.s. i don't think the young ladies in cocorosie are racist. i was overreacting. i even like some of their music [keyword: some. it's really hit-and-miss].

the g-unit book club.

2005-11-15T17:03:00.000-08:00

http://www.villagevoice.com/blogs/riffraff/archives/2005/11/exclusive_gunit.php

so, as most of you already know, mtv books has signed an unprecedented book deal with 50 cent. i could insert a comment here regarding the illiteracy of g-unit, but that would be plain juvenile. 50 cent is the literary genius that brought us timeless pieces such as "just a lil bit" and "candy shop". in an exclusive post to end all exclusive posts, riff raff runs through tentative ideas for upcoming g-unit books. maybe a couple of them will go on largehearted boy's "52 books in 52 weeks" campaign. post-script: happy birthday.

god bless curtis jackson for contributing to the literacy of inner-city youth.

no shortlist this year.

2005-11-14T23:41:00.000-08:00

http://www.billboard.com/bbcom/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1001479353

so, apparently, due to marketing disagreements or whatnot, there will be no shortlist music prize this year. to indie snobs such as myself who see it as the only award that really matters, today is a really fucking sad day. a new shortlist-esque prize is being formed, called the new pantheon, which has such credible judges as dave matthews and elton john. douglas martin could not be reached for comment.

the only black guy at an indie-rock show.

2005-11-11T00:14:00.000-08:00

http://www.cspaniels.com/structure.html
[click on "multimedia"]

if you ever find a black girl dancing to gbv, and she's cute, please e-mail me. i could use a girlfriend these days. thank you, largehearted boy; you're doing the lord's work.

metalface wednesdays!

2005-11-09T00:04:00.000-08:00

sorry for not posting the brilliance that is doom for the last couple of weeks. i'm behind.

"no names [black debbie]"

[Marco]
Well, Debbie thinks this is all about her biological clock
And I...
[Stormy]
She stopped screaming long enough to tell you that?
[Marco]Huh? No no no no, no, the other Debbie
Debbie the teacher?
[Stormy]Oh, you mean... {*whispering*} Black Debbie
[Sparks]Whoa whoa whoa whoa, why is she "Black" Debbie?
[Stormy]No, not in a BAAAD way
It's just to tell them apart because she's... black!

[MF Doom]True, Doom rolled on through with a whole crew
That stole on you for holding old brew, who told you?
Even if it's crap, mind your own business
They raps ain't got no gift like a lonely Christmas
Real phony with beats that's hardly fresh
How they manage to deal is anybody's guess
Yours is as good as mine, she's sure fine
From the hood where you squeeze your nine off the free cheese line
All you saw was a {*edit*} do a bee's line
to where she stood and sipped the Nehi Grape, the sweet kind
Circle you, thicker by de-sign
Be-hind swingin like bring it back, come rewind
Uhh, excuse me boo
She stuck out her tongue, it was purple number two
FDA approved played it smoother than a doo rag
What a brother gotta do to get a taste a some of you?
Bagged, and he don't mean coach
Then she saw the mask, acted like she seen a roach
The mirror shine reflect colors like your CD's
Show love to others, we all brothers like the Bee Gees
All except the broads and you
Hold your applause, they break God's laws and who pays?
The taxpayer that's who
Catch a rapper by his toe and smack off his tattoos
That's gonna leave a bruise
Leave 'em grievin blues like believin in evening news
They must be eatin glue
Heave it all back, and we even Steven Sue
Sprinkle lyrics like seasoning beef stew
and sneezin all in it after breathin in the flu
Get a clue, his reasoning is askew
As to all the feverin and heavin up goo
Either that or... dude
Leave your girl around this man whore and she's too screwed
Just in case she's in a "what you wanna do" mood
Bring your plate to the Metal Face and get your food chewed...
tastes like chicken
He wastes no time like the bassline kickin in
Or like a lace eye with you through thick and thin
Raw humor, face pie to a frickin chin
New York'n, a hell of a finer town
Choose your words wisely from the Boogie Down to Chinatown
Or be found with a hole in your designer gown
In the role of public opinion it earned a minor frown
If you think you're slick, you might could wish, but uhh
As a few good men set sights to link with your chick
You have to find a new hen fight to drink your liq'
Ten years later, see how Enzyte'll shrink your... wallet
As you wallow in a sorrow pit
Cheers, is that your beer kid? Then swallow it
or get chased by the Sandman, on some Apollo {shit}
Flow so weird, his own peers couldn't follow it
On the phone, he sounded like a real paid {"whoa whoa whoa"}
Then we met in person, he was three shades blacker
That's why he saved money over ball and chain dames
We all the same, no callin names

[Stormy]
I'm as smart as him!
[Quinn]
What? I got Ph.D's in four scientific disciplines
[Stormy]
Really?
[Quinn]
Why do you think they call me Dr. Quinn?
[Stormy]
Um, I just thought that was a nickname
You know, like Dr. Dre
East-siiiiiiiide!

yeah, it's old news, fuck it.

2005-11-07T14:12:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentleman, I bring you the never-changing Paris Hilton:

And this is what your daughters are striving to be as they grow up.

college kids are stupid.

2005-11-05T10:44:00.000-08:00

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1512889/20051103/my_chemical_romance.jhtml

it couldn't have been rigged, due to the audible reception the corporate screamo bands were getting, according to brooklyn vegan. ALL of the best bands/artists got snubbed. the only bands that i like that got an award were death cab and muse.

question: since when did college make you stupid?

a better version of "extraordinary machine"

2005-10-30T11:15:00.000-08:00

unless you're a complete and utter imbecile (in which case, you shouldn't be reading this blog), the fact that there are two versions of fiona apple's newest (and in my opinion, best) album, extraordinary machine, should really come as no big surprise to you.

there's the jon brion version (with all of the baroque instruments, chock full of weirdness, like any good alt-pop album should have), the one that spawned a movement of music geeks with nothing better to do with their lives than send apples to sony's offices. [disclaimer: i'm a music geek with nothing better to do with my life than sit and blog about it. don't get mad, we're all on the same team.]

there's the mike elizondo version (with all the features of a regular, run in the mill major label shit. oh, and the beat that sounds like the ones he does with [or for?] dr. dre), the one that was actually released by the major labels. it's really no big surprise, considering the crossover-production thing people have been doing (hello, jon brion was the only reason why late registration was better than college dropout). it only seems right that dr. dre's ghost-producer work with fiona.

so, here's the proclaimation: if you took the better versions of the songs from both albums, you would have fiona's greatest work to date. i read the lyrics booklet. the hype is real. so, instead of a track-by-track review of how i always review albums, this is a track-by-track synopsis of the better-produced songs. the title track and "waltz" were omitted, because jon brion produced them both, and "parting gift" was omitted, because it's not on the brion version.

two. "get him back", jon brion version:

to be honest with you, i don't particularly care for this song very much, but i have to say the extra additives that brion added makes the song a better listen for someone who usually skips it.

three: "o' sailor", jon brion version:

the song on the released album sounds like it was done at just a little bit faster of a tempo. the production on jon brion's version sounds murkier, and being a lo-fi fan, that attracted me to this version a little more. and, of course, jon brion had to add a string section, which gives the song a little more of a dramatic feel.

four: "better version of me", mike elizondo version:

i don't think i was really a big fan of the quasi-tribal style drumming of the original version. there's something about the released version that flows better to me.

five: "tymps (the sick in the head song)" aka "used to love him", mike elizondo version:

i listen to the chimes in the jon brion version, and i didn't really like it. however, the original did have a really carnival-esque feel (at least to me). when i listened to the album version, the hip-hop beat at the beginning (again, sounding like something that would go on a 50 cent or eminem album), it made my head turn, and i really thought it was an original idea.

seven: "window", mike elizondo version:

i like the organ more than the chimes. that is all.

eight: "oh well", jon brion version:

to be honest, both versions sound nearly-identical, but by the shakiness in fiona's voice on brion's version, you can tell she really meant it the first time.

nine: "please please please", jon brion version:

elizondo's version sounds like it's trying to be a top-40 radio hit. it comes down to fiona's voice again on this one. a lot of the songs on this album sound more believeable when she sang it the first time.

ten. "red red red", mike elizondo version:

brion's version sounds too much like something fiona's recorded before. whereas elizondo added more subdued instrumentation, giving it the "slightly unhinged serial killer" vibe, especially when the "kill, kill, kill, kill" refrain comes in.

eleven. "not about love", both versions mashed together:

i love the strings in the brion version, but i love the drums in elizondo's version. the guitars don't work on the released version, and it's not fierce enough on the unreleased version. if both of these guys would have produced this song together, they could have knocked this one out of the park.

what the record label did to me made me see myself something awful. there you have it, folks. get your cd burners ready.

what could possibly make the game more hilarious?

2005-10-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

The Game: "I got arrested for signing autographs!"

Obviously, the whole story's hilarious. He went to a mall, caused a riot and got arrested. Somewhere 50 Cent is jealous.

By the way, we here at the Armchair Novelist would like to find a picture of the Game with that supposed butterfly tattoo, so come on peeps. Point one of us in the right direction. Please?

the boy jeezy a riderrrrr...

2005-10-26T23:36:00.000-07:00

so, i'm sure you all have heard the news about [overrated] atlanta rapper young jeezy's baby's mom coming after his cash flow. i'm not here to talk about her, although she does get merit for acting like the money she's trying to get out of jeezy is going to go to her kid, when she knows she'll be getting the new jimmy choo joints at nordstrom [shoe dogs, holla at your boy]. the shocking news is jeezy's rebuttal, with his lawyer claiming he's on a $35 per diem.

yes. a $35 per diem.

he's undoubtedly one of the most successful rappers of 2005, so either this is one very awesome lie, or it's a sad state of affairs in the major-label industry. can a fucking human being even subsist off of $35 a day?

word to the hottest jailbird ever [lil kim, dummies], most of these rappers really can't eat without per diem. cold-ass shit, dogg.

bethanne's rant #1: people who hate online blogging!

2005-10-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all! I'm here and I'm going to tell you a little rant about an article I read via MTV News and it's not about Paul Wall's marriage.

A Catholic high school has updated their code of conduct that will barr students at their school from having an online blog/journal until the students take it down. As a blogger and a Livejournal/MySpace junkie (at least for four years on LJ), it disgusts me to see school officials tell students what they can and cannot do when they are not at school property. Yes, I can understand it when the students are on school grounds, but my god. This is a true case of paranoia going tenfold and these are the kinds of people that need to realize that blogging/online journal-ling (if that's a word) isn't all that bad. Yes, there is the threat of online stalking and solicitation (much evidenced with the Taylor Behl case that happened a few weeks ago), but school officials do not have the right to tell their students what they can and cannot do when not on school time. It's ridiculous.

Even though I grew up without that much influence over the internet (I am pushing 26 in a few weeks), I understand the power that the internet has given us. In fact, some of my dear friends, I have met online. But it saddens me to see people who are biased and so fucking paranoid over what the internet is. They think that the internet is nothing more than a bunch of perverts and sex-crazed lunatics, but it's not the case. There are people who ARE messed up in the head and they shouldn't even have a computer in the first place. And as I type this, a PSA played about online predators. A completely BIASED one at that.

Obviously, online predators are this year's anti-drug commericals. So not cool.

So all I have to say is this: Schools, as much of a safe-haven they claim to be, don't stoop to the low and try to limit student's freedom of expression. They want to have Livejournals and Myspaces and blogs and such. As a huge supporter of First Amendement rights, it's ridiculous to see school officials stepping in when parents need to take the responsibility and teach their teenagers about the dangers of online safety.

And that's all I wrote. I promise the next rant will be better.

hot-button topic of october, 2005..

2005-10-25T18:08:00.000-07:00

the subject of this month's burning question is mike jones: the abnormally successful houston rapper who gives out his phone number on record, shouts his name every chance he gets when he's not repeating lines from the SAME verse, at least twice. my burning topic for this month is:

does mike jones have alzheimer's?

it would make a ton of sense if this were true. let's get his medical records.

metalface wednesdays!

2005-10-19T00:45:00.000-07:00

this week, it's possibly my favorite doom joint. you know how doom flips the scooby doo. yes, ladies and gents; it's "hey!"

"hey!"

I only play the games that I win at
And stay the same with more rhymes than there's ways to skin cats
As a matter of fact, let me rephrase
With more rhymes and more ways to fill they felines these days
Watch the path of the black one
Supervillian he wrecks clubs for dell
In a drunken stupor chillin
Ready and willin to inadvertantly foil that plan
of any rhymer, whiner or spoiled brat
Who got more snottier flows than snotty nose?
And holds mics like he knows karate body blows
Nobody knows the trouble I see from the MPB
fly dirty tailin the eye bubble eye thirty
For the record this is some shit I just thought of y'all
Science fiction thats not admissable in no court of law
I live to rock mics 3-D
The only reason I seek to stop to snuff the TV
I heard beats, they sound like karaoke
With monkey rhymers on a leash like don't have this fairy choke me
Hit 'em with a penny so we can get these peanuts
And I thought we was nuts, I used to get free cuts
They locks Lex Luthor up in green haven
Since when a nigga never really been to clean shaven
Misbehavin rap stars need mistament
Call me Mista Bent
I'm at where your sister went
Intelligent, used to write and be well spoke
Now all a nigga wanna do is fight and sell [hey!], tell joke
This could lead to catastrophe
Bout to stop the violence right after these last three shots
from the blackbat got me at headlock
Holdin on to sanity while stranded at dreadlock
She told me get off I said
Bitch, let me set this shit off so I could get rich right quick
Then it hit me like the point of intoxication
Nigga come out and rock this nation like oxifacen
A lot of niggaz out is rusty like oxidation
In the world's most strangest most dangerous occupation
But you could do it, you the Super like in your building
Villian like trife kingdom wear and all my children
Plottin and it sure to pay ends
With some more mature womens and more of they friends
And when bad men roll tight, it's actual true
Like a pack of big bamboo with natural glue
Who grip necks of becks next to triple X
He just came before D followed the ripple effects
And it'll lead you right to him
Oh snap it seems you walked into a trap do wrap
Zoinks, this place is full of pretender willies
One false move and get broke off like end of phillies
True believers ain't nothin new to a
Crook with special powers like how to tell the future uh uh
Rhyme of the month two page long
Bustin off two gages with my cake gone wrong
Son it's on remind me of a Raekwon tape song
With a fleet of super bad status Rae Dawn Chong
Let me know if y'alls with me y'all
Nasty yo and geographic down to the titty bar

Rap monster outer city y'all
To all my brothers who is doin' unsettling bids
You could have got away with it if it was not for them meddling kids

guess who?

2005-10-17T14:23:00.000-07:00

i probably lost my entire fanbase, but at least i'm back.
expect lots of updates this week.

celebrity knife fights: week two (long-awaited!)

2005-10-01T19:08:00.000-07:00

Hello all! This is Bethanne, co-writer for Clever Titles Are So Last Summer and Douglas has been kind enough to have me on as a contributor of some sort. And I feel like a jackass for not posting in this until now.

As you might have asked "What is she doing here?", it's all about the celebrity knife fights. And as a guest commentator, I've decided to contribute three knife fights of my own (and thus give Douglas some much needed inspiration when he comes back in a few weeks) for shits and giggles. Two of them are supposed "beefs" between shitty bands and no-talent popsters. The title fight tonight settles the age old question every indie music snob and hipster has on their mind. Let's get to it, shall we?

Round 1: Benji Madden (Good Charlotte) vs. Kelly Clarkson

It came to light via MTVnews.com that Benji - being the one who isn't dating Hilary Duff at the moment - said some pretty nasty things about Kelly on his "band"'s website, well. That's not very nice. Though he may claim to be punk and could have the upper hand, you just don't mess with Texas. Kelly might be sweet and innocent, but her fingernails are sharp and they can claw out anyone who tries to talk shit about her.
Prediction: Kelly by a fingernail. Benji all shredded up like a cat's scratching post.

Round 2: Fall Out Boy vs. The Killers

Oh what do we have here: two bands on the same label that are in a good old fashioned temper tantrum fight because they feel their record label is focusing more on one band than the other. Obviously, the Killers have already had their beef with the Bravery and that's fine, but given that Fall Out Boy instigated this fight and that their songs are nothing more than three-minute suckfests for emo girls to cry to now that Chris Carrabba is pushing his thirties (or should be pushing up daisies). Plus, as we saw with the first knife fight, people who have nothing better to do than bitch about others over the internet are teh suck.
Prediction: The Killers. Obviously. Fall Out Boy would be stabbed like baked potatoes before they were ready to be cooked.

Main Event: Ben Gibbard vs. Colin Meloy

I know what all of you are thinking. CAN SHE BE THAT SERIOUS? Yes. Yes I am.

Let's consider this: Ben Gibbard is a good songwriter, but with the fact that he wrote the worst song of the year (so far - "Someday You'll Be Loved") gives him a very big strike. But he's also in the Postal Service. That's a potential for letterbombs and special deliveries. But Colin Meloy is a natural born pirate. Not only can he tell a wicked story about surviving in whales, but with the extensive vocabulary (hey, english majors rule! *points to colin, then points to self*) and the wicked ability to slash and dash his way through a pirate ship proves that he can fit right in on the set of the next Pirates of the Carribbean sequel. Bonus props for the other songs dealing with theater-geek issues and long-lost loves that - SURPRISE! - don't have to rely on cliches and corny words. (again, english majors rule!)
Prediction: Colin can wield a sword - both of metal and of lyric - and it goes right through Ben's heart. Sorry kids.

I tried my best. Here's to hoping Douglas comes back soon.

sorry, guys..

2005-09-28T18:19:00.000-07:00

real life has reared its ugly head.
i'll be back in three weeks, i promise.

bigger. stronger. driving a faster car.

celebrity knife fights: week one!

2005-09-08T00:14:00.000-07:00

welcome to the very first in another set of weekly installments, called "celebrity knife fights". it's where the committee selects two combatants [and sometimes teams] not to engage in fisticuffs, but to partake in a bloodbath. in other words, who would survive a knife fight? this week, we have two rival bands, two musically prodigious singer/songwriters, and one openly gay thug vs. a closet gay thug in the main event.

match one: art brut vs. bloc party-
if you're a fan of either of these bands, then you already are aware of the club brawl between the two lead singers of these bands. kele [lead singer/guitarist of bloc party] allegedly threw punches at eddie aggros [lead singer of art brut] and tried to kick him in the chest.

bloc party's stats-

pros: they have four members, two of which [kele and matt, drummer] look like they've been in a couple brawls, one [gordon, bassist] who looks like he could hold his own, and one [russell, guitarist] who looks like he would get at least one punch in. they don't look like they've been in too many fights, but look like they wouldn't mind being in one.

cons: eddie aggros is quoted as saying that kele "punches like a girl". there are also rumors questioning kele's sexual orientation [which doesn't really matter, because i've seen gay guys throw down]. plus, russell looks like he could get at least one punch in, but no more than three.

art brut's stats-

pros: there are five members in art brut, only four in bloc party. one of the members is female, but those females have no reservations when it comes to going straight for the balls with a crisp pair of doc martens.

cons: the entire band, collectively, looks like they've only been in two fights in their entire cumulative lives.

they're outnumbered, but i have a feeling they would still kick ass. when you're the only black guy at an indie rock show, you have to fight sometimes. trust me. i know. advantage: bloc party.

match two: john vanderslice vs. sufjan stevens-
two of the most prodigious talents in independent music today, sujfan and john also have two of the most critically acclaimed releases on 2005.

john vanderslice's stats-

pros: a good number of his songs include lyrics alluding to alcohol consumption. drinkers make great barfighters.

cons: getting him drunk enough to be willing to mess up his hair.

sufjan stevens' stats-

pros: stevens has publicly admitted that on his best behavior, he his exactly like john wayne gacy jr. when you can compare yourself to a serial killer, you get non-refundable gangsta points.

cons: sufjan is a christian man with a really thin voice. sometimes, if you're not vocally aggressive, then you're not physically, either.

two words. serial. killer. advantage: sufjan, by a considerable margin.

main event: karamo [from the real world philly] vs. the game-
bethanne and i both noticed at the vma's that game has a butterfly tattooed on his face. i'm not sure if that's some sort of gang affiliation [i'll have to google it when i'm done], but i'm sure that doesn't help your gangsta cred, no matter how many times you've been shot. karamo is openly gay, which means he's had to to a lot of fighting in his life. when you're black AND gay, the deck is stacked against you.

karamo's stats-

pros: like i said, i'm sure openly gay thugs have to fight a shitload, due to the amount of harassment they get. i'm pretty certain that karamo has a reach advantage on game.

cons: if he's afraid of the FUCKING WATER, then i'm sure he'd be afraid to throw a punch, let alone get into a knife fight.

game's stats-

pros: you all know the story. he's been shot nine times, got in beef with 50 cent and one of his homies got shot, he's reported as being a former [or current] blood; blah, blah, blah.

cons: he also has a reality show past. ask jeeves about his appearence on the game show "change of heart".

i'm sorry, but there's no way karamo would win. even if game was openly gay. advantage: game.

hot-button topic: september 2005..

2005-09-07T17:21:00.000-07:00

so, upon the release of Thoughts of a Predicate Felon, Tony Yayo's debut CD [also known as the rap album that had the misfortune of dropping the same week as Late Registration, also known as Still Too Stupid for College], there was a burning question that popped into my head. It's nothing along the lines of "is the album any good," because Bol (http://www.byroncrawford.com) already saved me the trouble. i was watching the video to 50 and mobb deep's "outta control (remix)", and i saw one of the funniest things i've seen all year: tony yayo's hand dance thingy. this is one of the most polarizing issues in hip-hop today. either you love it or you hate it; there's no middle ground. that leads us to the hot-button issue of this month:

is tony yayo's stupid dance bad for hip-hop?

metalface wednesdays! [week number two]

2005-09-07T01:08:00.000-07:00

"Meat Grinder"

Tripping off the beat kinda, dripping off the meat grinder
Heat niner, pimping, stripping, soft street minor
China was a neat signer, trouble with the script digits
Double dip/bubble lips, sorrow less midget
Borderline schizoid, sort of fine tits tho
Pour the wine hold the grind, quarter to nine, lets go
Ever since ten eleven, glad she met a brethren
Then his last style seven alligator, seven at the gates of heaven
Knocking, no answer, slow dancer, hopeless romancer, dopest flow stanzas
Yes, no Villain, Metal Face the death stroke
Guest shows, still incredible in escrow
Just say hoe, I will taste the yayo, Wild West style fest, y'all best tolay low
Hey bro, Day Glo, set the bet, pay dough
Before the cheddar get away, you best to get Maaco
The worst haters God on perpetrated are favors
Demonstrated in the perforated Rod Lavers...

In all quad flavors, large savers

Still back in the game like Jack Lalanne
Think you know the name, don't rack your brainon a fast track to half insane
Either in a slow beat or that of speed or wrath of Kane
Laughter, pain
Doom's songs lit, in the booth, with the best host
Doing bong hits, on the roof, in the west coast
He's at it again
Mad at the pen
Glad that we win a tad fat in a bad hat for men
Grind the cinnamon, Manhattan warmongers
You can find the Villain in satin congas
The vans screeches
The old man preaches
About the gold sand beaches
The cold hand reaches
For the old tan ellesse's... Jesus