list season: guilty pleasures.

guilty pleasures are like assholes; everyone has one and most of us keep them in our pants. metaphorically speaking, that is. everyone tries so hard to hold on to the slippery concept known as "cool", that we hide our guilty pleasures in our closets underneath the clothes we forget to donate to the salvation army. well, being the type of person i am [apathetic towards all opinions about me], using the term "guilty pleasure" would imply that i actually have something to hide. if you know me well, you knew these things already. but for the rest of you, here are my top five guilty pleasures of 2005, and i'm using the term very loosely.

5. date my mom.
although i will wholeheartedly admit that i'm so emasculated that it's not funny, guys aren't supposed to watch shows like these and enjoy them as much as i do. however, everyone loves an awkward moment, and when you have to choose a girl exclusively from the impression her mother makes on you, awkward moments are bountiful. a prime example is when a mother, without being pressed or even questioned, stated that her husband has a fourteen-inch penis. throw the occasional curveball like twins and lesbians, and you have a cult classic.

p.s. when bethanne and i first met, we would watch the show while im'ing each other. those were the good old days.

4. the wedding date:
i watched it with my sister. i watched it with my best friend jennifer on thanksgiving. i loved it both times, but don't tell anyone.

3. coldplay:
their music is so abashedly boring that there should be laws against playing it while driving. their frontman has the self-esteem of a 40-year-old comic book store clerk. however, i bought a rush of blood to the head, and i bought x & y. singing the falsetto on "fix you" provided some of the most life-affirming showers of the year.

2. "(i didn't steal your) boyfriend":
i've liked it since the first time i heard it, and i still can't get tired of singing along: "whoa-oh, whoa-oh, don't you bring me down.." those whoa-oh's are the best thing that's ever happened to utterly disposable bubblegum pop.

1. fall out boy:
along with my chemical romance, the game, and 50 cent, bethanne uses every waking moment mocking these guys. however, there are some things about this band that makes them slightly better than any other pop-punk band i've ever heard. "sugar, we're going down" has one of the best hooks i've heard all year, and everytime i've heard the song, i've loved scream-singing along. they have more clever song titles than your average band, and probably have more consistently clever song titles than anyone in music except for sufjan stevens. i saw them perform on the vma pre-show, and they have too much charisma/energy for their own good. plus, they're named after millhouse's superhero alter-ego. anyone who can reference millhouse is cool in my book.