sorry, guys..

real life has reared its ugly head.
i'll be back in three weeks, i promise.

bigger. stronger. driving a faster car.

celebrity knife fights: week one!

welcome to the very first in another set of weekly installments, called "celebrity knife fights". it's where the committee selects two combatants [and sometimes teams] not to engage in fisticuffs, but to partake in a bloodbath. in other words, who would survive a knife fight? this week, we have two rival bands, two musically prodigious singer/songwriters, and one openly gay thug vs. a closet gay thug in the main event.

match one: art brut vs. bloc party-
if you're a fan of either of these bands, then you already are aware of the club brawl between the two lead singers of these bands. kele [lead singer/guitarist of bloc party] allegedly threw punches at eddie aggros [lead singer of art brut] and tried to kick him in the chest.

bloc party's stats-

pros: they have four members, two of which [kele and matt, drummer] look like they've been in a couple brawls, one [gordon, bassist] who looks like he could hold his own, and one [russell, guitarist] who looks like he would get at least one punch in. they don't look like they've been in too many fights, but look like they wouldn't mind being in one.

cons: eddie aggros is quoted as saying that kele "punches like a girl". there are also rumors questioning kele's sexual orientation [which doesn't really matter, because i've seen gay guys throw down]. plus, russell looks like he could get at least one punch in, but no more than three.

art brut's stats-

pros: there are five members in art brut, only four in bloc party. one of the members is female, but those females have no reservations when it comes to going straight for the balls with a crisp pair of doc martens.

cons: the entire band, collectively, looks like they've only been in two fights in their entire cumulative lives.

they're outnumbered, but i have a feeling they would still kick ass. when you're the only black guy at an indie rock show, you have to fight sometimes. trust me. i know. advantage: bloc party.


match two: john vanderslice vs. sufjan stevens-
two of the most prodigious talents in independent music today, sujfan and john also have two of the most critically acclaimed releases on 2005.

john vanderslice's stats-

pros: a good number of his songs include lyrics alluding to alcohol consumption. drinkers make great barfighters.

cons: getting him drunk enough to be willing to mess up his hair.

sufjan stevens' stats-

pros: stevens has publicly admitted that on his best behavior, he his exactly like john wayne gacy jr. when you can compare yourself to a serial killer, you get non-refundable gangsta points.

cons: sufjan is a christian man with a really thin voice. sometimes, if you're not vocally aggressive, then you're not physically, either.

two words. serial. killer. advantage: sufjan, by a considerable margin.

main event: karamo [from the real world philly] vs. the game-
bethanne and i both noticed at the vma's that game has a butterfly tattooed on his face. i'm not sure if that's some sort of gang affiliation [i'll have to google it when i'm done], but i'm sure that doesn't help your gangsta cred, no matter how many times you've been shot. karamo is openly gay, which means he's had to to a lot of fighting in his life. when you're black AND gay, the deck is stacked against you.

karamo's stats-

pros: like i said, i'm sure openly gay thugs have to fight a shitload, due to the amount of harassment they get. i'm pretty certain that karamo has a reach advantage on game.

cons: if he's afraid of the FUCKING WATER, then i'm sure he'd be afraid to throw a punch, let alone get into a knife fight.

game's stats-

pros: you all know the story. he's been shot nine times, got in beef with 50 cent and one of his homies got shot, he's reported as being a former [or current] blood; blah, blah, blah.

cons: he also has a reality show past. ask jeeves about his appearence on the game show "change of heart".

i'm sorry, but there's no way karamo would win. even if game was openly gay. advantage: game.

hot-button topic: september 2005..

so, upon the release of Thoughts of a Predicate Felon, Tony Yayo's debut CD [also known as the rap album that had the misfortune of dropping the same week as Late Registration, also known as Still Too Stupid for College], there was a burning question that popped into my head. It's nothing along the lines of "is the album any good," because Bol (http://www.byroncrawford.com) already saved me the trouble. i was watching the video to 50 and mobb deep's "outta control (remix)", and i saw one of the funniest things i've seen all year: tony yayo's hand dance thingy. this is one of the most polarizing issues in hip-hop today. either you love it or you hate it; there's no middle ground. that leads us to the hot-button issue of this month:

is tony yayo's stupid dance bad for hip-hop?

metalface wednesdays! [week number two]

"Meat Grinder"

Tripping off the beat kinda, dripping off the meat grinder
Heat niner, pimping, stripping, soft street minor
China was a neat signer, trouble with the script digits
Double dip/bubble lips, sorrow less midget
Borderline schizoid, sort of fine tits tho
Pour the wine hold the grind, quarter to nine, lets go
Ever since ten eleven, glad she met a brethren
Then his last style seven alligator, seven at the gates of heaven
Knocking, no answer, slow dancer, hopeless romancer, dopest flow stanzas
Yes, no Villain, Metal Face the death stroke
Guest shows, still incredible in escrow
Just say hoe, I will taste the yayo, Wild West style fest, y'all best tolay low
Hey bro, Day Glo, set the bet, pay dough
Before the cheddar get away, you best to get Maaco
The worst haters God on perpetrated are favors
Demonstrated in the perforated Rod Lavers...

In all quad flavors, large savers

Still back in the game like Jack Lalanne
Think you know the name, don't rack your brainon a fast track to half insane
Either in a slow beat or that of speed or wrath of Kane
Laughter, pain
Doom's songs lit, in the booth, with the best host
Doing bong hits, on the roof, in the west coast
He's at it again
Mad at the pen
Glad that we win a tad fat in a bad hat for men
Grind the cinnamon, Manhattan warmongers
You can find the Villain in satin congas
The vans screeches
The old man preaches
About the gold sand beaches
The cold hand reaches
For the old tan ellesse's... Jesus

hurricane kanye..

now, i really didn't want to get involved with the whole discussion about hurricane katrina, and its aftermath, because it's a wholeheartedly scary situation that's going on down there. the rampant racism, the starvation, the deceased, and the still-missing. the associated press got the scoop of kanye west's "outburst":

Comedian Mike Myers was paired with West for a 90-second segment that began with Myers speaking of Katrina's devastation. Then, to Myers' evident surprise, West began a rant by saying, "I hate the way they portray us in the media. If you see a black family, it says they're looting. See a white family, it says they're looking for food."

While allowing that "the Red Cross is doing everything they can," West - who delivered an emotional outburst at the American Music Awards after he was snubbed for an award - declared that government authorities are intentionally dragging their feet on aid to the Gulf Coast. Without getting specific, he added, "They've given them permission to go down and shoot us."

After he stated, "George Bush doesn't care about black people," the camera cut away to comedian Chris Tucker.


my thoughts? bush doesn't care about black people. do i think that forceful retalitiation against desperate, starving people is the right thing to do? of fucking course not! i understand that not everything that kanye said was entirely accurate, but it came from his heart. junior doesn't only not care about black people, he doesn't care about poor people in general, but especially poor black people. and i have to agree that poor black people are portrayed that way in the media. so, that's why i raise my salute, to a man who stands up for what he believes in.

kanye west says that bush doesn't care about black people, and it's a hot button topic. i've been saying it for almost six years, ever since he was the governor of texas. check out his bias towards certain death row inmates. learn your history, kids.

thank you, kanye west. (banner courtesy of last plane to jakarta)